theREALese.blogspot.com
Tuesday, October 12
it's been a long time, i shouldn't have left you. .
theREALese.blogspot.com
Tuesday, September 28
Wednesday, September 8
I Miss When Life Was Easy..
I have yet to free fall but I will say this:
life was definitely better when I was younger.
people today are quick to say if I had more money this and this but lets be real. we all know mo' money mo' problems. I say life was better when younger because I always had the time, I always had the energy, I always had the desire, friends were plentiful, laughs were generous, and the closest people around you remained the closest people. your job was to brighten others day, no mistakes were uncorrectable, and second chances felt like second chances. Love... well love was just love then.
[*insert good closing line here*]
gwen.
Wednesday, September 1
This Should Help .
My phone is always in my hand so why not what I need to write my usual posts as well.
*fingers crossed*
gwen.
Thursday, August 26
I don't Expect You To Understand Why.
I stopped blogging because... when I received comments it was full of hate and criticism. People set on dousing the fire that once burned.
I stopped blogging because... it was no longer about vibin with someone harmoniously through experience/opinion. It became another form of publicity and news feed for celebs, popular writing styles, and uncreative unison.
I stopped blogging because.... when I would sit at the computer, nothing would come.
I stopped blogging because... when nothing came, I felt empty. Hallow. Dry. Barren.
I stopped blogging because... of Twitter. How convenient it is to just say what I need to in that moment, less than 140 characters, and have no one look for a explanation just the cont. if it doesn't all fit.
I stopped writing because... life became repetitive. nothing new and no new feelings to explore or attempt to purge myself of. No new lessons learned due to my mental being far away from my physical. I was going through life unaware so what was there to notice?
I stopped writing because... when given the opportunity to write they wanted to change all that was Gwen, written, compromise my voice for a chance at helping create a image.
I stopped writing because... after awhile my writing wasn't helping ME.
I stopped writing because... I couldnt put into words any of what I was feeling.
gwen.
Tuesday, August 17
Monday, August 2
Nothing Is Ever What It Seems.
ended.
Family..
parted.
relationships ending before they're even beginning, destiny already existing up ahead. society laying the foundation for morals, respect, and honesty's death..
lately nobody is making it.
beautiful faces with hearts of erasers. never planned on keeping you...
around.
Summer flowers with aroma's intoxicating but with annoying bugs that flew out its petals..
gwen.
Sunday, July 25
Just For Today
I will improve my mind, I will learn something that requires effort and concentration.
I will be agreeable. I will look my best, speak in a well modulated voice, and be courteous and considerate.
I will not find fault with a friend, relative or colleague. I will not try to change or improve anyone but myself.
I will have a programme. I might not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two enemies:
hurry and indecision.
I will do a good turn and keep it a secret. If anyone finds out, it will not count.
I will do two things I don't want to do, just for the exercise.
I will believe in myself. I will give my best to the world and feel confident that the world will give it's best to me.
and tomorrow, I will do the same :)
gwen.
Thursday, July 15
To The Man That Just observes..
Are you afraid?
Do I intimidate you?
What is it?
You never know, you may be missing out on the chance to be with a real woman. A woman that would love you, hold you and do anything to your body that you want her to. A woman that will cook for you, clean for you.. A woman that will do things for you that most women are ashamed to talk about.
You never know and you never will if you don't approach me.
You have to know that I am watching you watch me so that should tell you that I am interested.
I have not made a move because that is not what I do. I don't hunt, I am hunted.
So, mysterious man show me what you are made of and you won't have to watch me any more.
gwen.
Sunday, July 4
The Question Is, Why Dont You?
Likely my reasoning was altered when he threw me to the bowels of pain and took the pieces of my heart with him. Slow songs didn't bother me and "Our" songs became just mine again. The original CD player spinning One album at a time and I was content with just my mix playing..
Maybe its because when E. Badu told me to Bump It and I turned the volume up to 45 I felt my voice singing her words, my movements enticing the crowd, my actions interacting with my fans, my heart beating with the sound. In that moment I was unknown mainstream and the feeling felt great even alone..
Of course it could be because the night we got lost in a city we knew, I didn't mind. Going in circles, enter twining brain waves, and matching laughter took the hands of clocks and we rode in our own timeless moments. None of it intentional just how green sixtuplets made siblings out of us..
Perchance its how I, Lucky, Captain Crunch, Tony The Tiger, Trix, Snap, Crackle, and Pop all become best friends. Milk being the drug of our choice and it heavenly filled our bowls. Our bond was hunger and were out to get full together..
Possibly it was when those lips touched my lips and caused my hips to dip and contract my back in tension that felt so electric I felt a explosion in my loins. Causing breathlessness like a compound sentence with no comma, seemingly endless no period..
what can i say?
it just feels good to Fade.
gwen.
Thursday, July 1
Saturday, June 26
Top Charted.
your melody would entice
the ears
flirt with the soul
and captivate the heart
your catchy rhythm
would cause involuntary
gyrations in the pelvic region
and generate unconscious
free style rhymes
within the mind
your lyrics
would be the envy
of the craftiest poet/mc
filled with
wondrous word play
and
miraculous metaphors
your baseline
would throb, pulsate
forcefully throughout the body
resulting in an irresistible urge
to jump up and get on down
everyone would
demand to get an hour
minute, second
of your phenomenal sound
good thing you're not
because then
I couldn't keep you
all to myself
gwen.
Saturday, June 19
in my attempt to express myself, i hope i dont lose you..
Sunday, June 13
Think about it...
Saturday, June 12
Mountain Lily .
are to be found on the highest mountain
tops and nestled in the most secluded valleys,
Like the ghetto queens that float gracefully
among the debris of shattered dreams,
hidden in the rankness of grime filled alleys.
These wild orchids and delicate lilys
continue to bud though no one is there to
behold their beauty or see it glisten,
Just as I continue to write my story shine
my light, compelled to tell my tale even in
the absence of someone to listen.
Determined resillience is balanced by a
fragile beauty and held in the perfection of
these sculptures of nature, unintentional
works of art,
Like the fire that blazes behind eyes set in
a tranquil face, the random combination of
a tortured soul mated with a peaceful
heart.
I am a mountain lily, born in the solitude of
ice-capped peaks, nurtured by the rain and
raised by the gentle breeze of life,
A flower capable of being destroyed by a
human hand, yet strong enough to endure
the elements and survive the harrowing
storms of my strife.
To find me, you must climb the treacherous
slopes of my defensiveness and search the
valleys of my being to uncover my spirit,
Which is carefully concealed and is the
map that will lead you to the highest peak
of my soul the place where my core is hid.
And on that sacred ground, you will find a
deeply rooted treasure a beauty that is
eternally pure and infinitely true.
You will have found the Mountain Lily,
have earned the honour of witnessing her
bud, and she will be content to bloom for
only you.
gwen.
Tuesday, June 1
Black And Intelligent .
Not physically but emotionally.
Often times I feel like I have to dumb myself down in order to keep from seeming stuck up or a MS. KNOW IT ALL. I often see my black brothers and sister who end up never amounting to
anything, and that's not where I want to be.
I am a young black girl who is happy being her. Happy being educated. Happy knowing that with a little bit of hard work, I can achieve the most high.
My own kind looks down on me because of this.
Because I want to rise above this chaos. Because I want to have a better life. I'm already left out because I appear to be too light. But what does it matter if my skin is of a butterscotch hue? Am I less of a black person? Am I unworthy of being with my own kind? So you see, I have it the worst. Due to my skin and my well spoken intellect.
At first I wanted to hide behind my ability to shift my swagger
And blend in with the quote on quote "Black" crew.
But now I've realized that I am no better or no less worthy to call myself black.
I am no longer afraid to be intelligent. I am no longer willing to hide me true self to satisfy someone's ego. I am going to be myself. A young girl who is now able to accept the fact that she is
BLACK AND INTELLIGENT.
gwen.
Monday, May 31
So Quick to Judge .
sometimes you find yourself struggling to be nice
everything she tell you can counter your opinion
wondering how you can clear the fog with the best of intention
so quick to have the answer for it all
yet you jump when your man call
you talk about others and how they rear their children
but yours is doing lord knows what cause you ain't never with them
always speaking on what you'd do in others situations
like your wiser than the next, your life epic perfection
your read the paper and agree to cage the man
who killed a man for reasons you don't try to understand
all you see is unjustified population control
but it was the murderers paycheck the dead man stole
its okay to imprison the N****s who posts on the corners of the streets
even though he's there to make sure his kids eat
N****s judge promiscuous women quick to call them hoes
She may have been molested by some male family member she knows
you feel superior to those addicted to dope
but its okay for you to hit the weed to help you cope
so stupid is the girl who gives her money to her man
but she never had a dad to let her know for what she should not stand
we congregate to damn those in the clubs and not the pews
the questions is who needs prayer more, them or you?
you look down on those who engage in same sex love
like you walk on water and are in a place to judge
you detest those in huge homes and who's bank holds a lot
you don't give away shit, yet you on eBay trying to sell any extra you got
I know I'm talking shit, venting, trying not to hold a grudge
but it pisses me off how we're all so quick to judge.
gwen.
Sunday, May 30
Mistreatment: Its Better Than Being Alone.
i refuse to be one of those women that makes excuses for my gf/bf when they do wrong, don't do what they say they're going to do, or whatever other situation may arise.
it is just not in my nature.
Synonym
— settle for : to be content with ... BULLSHIT!? not Gwen.
sorry, no can do.
I'm not looking for anyone perfect but i definitely need 100% of them. fuck that 50% junk. you give 100 and I'll give 100 and our 200 will be the perfect start to take over, Monopoly.
until then.
you have to settle for half of me.
(probably wouldn't know what to do with all of me anyway! lol)
gwen.
Thursday, May 27
19blunts&19shotsofPatron
that was the theme of my 19th birthday shindig last night.
like my boy @FadedFelix - negroidyouth.blogspot.com said "...i'm glad you lived 2 tell the tale lol."
*face in hands shaking head "Me TOO!" lol*
i figured after a 8 hour shift at work, passing my last two finals with A's at school, and just looking waaaay fresh, i didn't need to go home. for what? to try finding space in my closet for some new shit ima buy with all the moolah and gift cards i received and watch reruns of Sex & The City; i can do that annnnyyytime!
to my potnahs house we fled.
*names wont be mentioned to protect the innocent.*
only my major cool folks in attendance with their minds on the same ahem, festivities as myself.
major rounds, crazy toasts, and no less than a dub rolled in each blunt we played dominoes and slapped "That's My Jam!"s into the night.
i would share some of the pure comedic moments but you weren't there and probably not high so you wouldn't even get it lol.
....damn i should've took pictures!
but its cool, i got it up here. *points to noggin and smiles*
gwen.
Sunday, May 23
May I Speak Freely?
Not me but the things I have.
No, wait...
Yea, the things I have.
I used to think this thought was me being a complete #Spoiled #Conceited #Bitch (woah I need to stay off twitter lol) but looking at it over a lengthy span of time, I'm seeing, It is what it is and this is what it is.
She's never been ahead of me in anything. Relationships, Gear, Socially, Grades, Life period. I've endured the less pain, the less disappointment... and the rest of that shit people who've had it hard, say to somehow make anyone who hasn't been through the Exact shit feel guilty.
Having seen this #fact for awhile now, I've reached out. Tried to connect, BeClose, tiiiiiiight, folks! but who I am and who she is & steady becoming isn't meant to be, even if I wrote the story.
I love her regardless, but I refuse to forever be blamed for my proactive-ness in my life because 1) i pay for everything I have 2)have been through my share of pain but refuse to let it keep me down 3) and know my worth.♥
I hate to say it but, Get Like Me!
gwen.
Saturday, May 22
Randoms .
I look forward to falling asleep every night so when I awake in the morning and my eyes adjust, I can look at my New tattoo! This is true love. Falling in love with the same person/thing over and over :)
The people at my job are going to start thinking I can't count. My drawer has been over twice and short twice. Wtf Gwen?! ...I'm so tired of seeing that pad with the write up slips attached =\
Lately I've been watching a lot of iCarly... ?
I met this guy that has the weirdest way of talking. No fa real. He says shit like "man that's like tieing a knot around two kangaroos" ...what does that have to do with me saying "there should be a law against a slice of cheesecake being bigger than myself"? .... Exactly!
Its been two, almost three days since I've been inked and I already know what I want my second to be. Of course it will be awhile, since iRefuse to let anybody else scrape my skin but Jeff and he's booked till August. Soo it'll be another well thought out, perfectly placed, happy ending when I finally do get countlessly poked again.
Lately, after getting high, instead of eating(LOL) I belly dance to whatever music plays on my mix Cd's. Its been working wonders for my abs. No lie.
I think I have OCD when it comes to washing my hands. I haven't reached Monk stages but Curel and myself have forged one hell of a moisturized bond.
*i only posted this because i wanted to elaborate and on Twitter I'm limited to 140 characters before i have to use Tweet Longer and have (cont) at the end of my very entertaining thoughts :)
gwen.
Wednesday, May 19
When A Scorned Woman Heals .
When a scorned woman heals
She looks in the mirror at beauty
She don't just give up the booty
She is more than a woman
She's a queen
She's the backbone to her race
She does everything with grace
When a scorned woman heals
She is not the skin she's in
It doesn't matter if she's plump or thin
She let's her assets shine (Skill)
She's a mother, friend, sister, or
Lover with no problem with strings
She's not caught up with little things
When a scorned woman heals
She let's her Diva status show
She is a showstopper
Turning away all the bed hoppers
She's smart and strong
She's too fierce for any man's arm
She's the power couple all on her own
When a scorned woman heals
She begins with a kneel
She worships her god
She holds her faith
Knowing the man in the black race is becoming extinct
She's let real love in
She's not judging your sin
She's loving you genuine
Pay close attention to see if your scorned woman has healed!
gwen.
Tuesday, May 18
Two Fourty-Seven AM
before my moms slow ass laptop took its time to load and i suddenly became fatigued.
i was thinking i would just spill my emotions out into this post and let the numerous eyes that read judge me for the things i would say... and then i thought me saying what i originally wanted to say out of another whirlwind of emotions would be easier in a 10 - 1, but i didnt want to speak background words that would never reach the soundtrack....
and now...
well,
i don't even want to mention the words i wanted so badly before to say because, the subject isnt worth my time or energy. in fact as i write these words and my eyelids become heavier, i can't remember why i ever wanted to utter them.
oh wait.
because i was looking for comfort.
some divine act to make me suddenly feel better about everything and stop this rollercoaster ride, some random tweet to make me smile and never have flipped up and ran toward the keys.
guess it won't be happening tonight...
gwen.
Monday, May 17
Who Am I You Say?
Oh a woman destined for success,
With Native African roots,
I'm guaranteed to flex.
Who am I you say?
Just a woman with dignity,
Who puts pride in herself,
With the utmost scrutiny.
Who am I you say?
Another independent chick,
Who has her own money,
and won't settle for a broke guy,
with a nice stick.
Who am I you say?
Someone who keeps it real,
Who won't give a damn,
about how you and your home girls feel.
Who am I you say?
A lady with integrity,
Who'll only accept the best,
To represent M*E*
wait.....
Who am I you say?
Maybe you shouldn't be concerned,
Is that what you lack in life
No business of your own to learn?
Who am I you say?
No, who are you?
Present me with an answer,
I waiting....
Cause as of now,
I'm through
gwen.
Saturday, May 15
My Smile Is Losing Weight .
And someone could probably count all of my teeth
But now lately my face has become droopy, sluggish,
Some say it looks I'm not getting any sleep
The gap on my face used to stretch and curve for miles
But now it's a straight line that's extremely petite
Never knew a smile could be anorexic
Maybe I should get off this stress diet and find some joys to eat.
gwen.
Thursday, May 13
Time Machine .
Time Machine via http://rachelmckibbens.blogspot.com/
1. Three truths you learned by the time you were ten-years old.
2. Three beliefs you still have, despite the truth.
3. Three things that feel like heaven.
4. Three things that feel like hell.
5. Three pieces of nature that are massive.
3 Truths I learned by Age 10
* Santa Clause is ... a big fat phoney! << remember that from Family Guy?!! lol
* when you shave you cant do it dry. you NEED water and shave cream dawg.
* at this age, you WILL look back and laugh at how you dressed
3 Beliefs I Still Have, Despite the Truth
* MJ was never broke.
* you can be in a committed relationship and never cheat... -__-
* Tupac is alive!!
3 Things That Feel Like Heaven
* looking good, feeling good, sun shining, mad shit to get into... when everything is going right.
* more $$ on ya paycheck than you calculated *thumbs up*
* poetry and lyrics that speak of your past and paint your present.
3 Things That Feel Like Hell
* unaware of a blinding love until your eyes are no longer dilated...
* Heat.
* everything going wrong... luck is undiscovered.
3 Pieces of Nature That Are Massive
* Does shit count? Lol..this world is full of it.
* Giraffes.
* Green grass. But no side is greater.
Ten to one was better.
gwen.
Monday, May 10
When Did Single Translate To Gay?
*tires screech*
the period had to be used seeing as how he wasn't asking or waiting for a answer but stating openly that he had me figured out.
you can't be serious? -_-
since i walked past you and your boys with a tight pair of distressed jeans and a off the shoulder sweater, a slight shake of my side swept bangs and a polite smile but gave no response to your unmatched oral ignorance compared to your demeanor, I'm gay.... ?
*crickets*
riiiiiiiiiight.
although i didn't ask, Ive wondered since this incident what would make someone say this, besides the offended ego.
most people read body language.
you're in the mall with your boys/girls, see a cutie and try to get their attention by walking by, stopping and chilling in a noticeable area, or whatever your approach is. you look in their direction in hopes they will lock eyes with yours and if they do, they will smile or wave and that's your que. maybe I'm too smart or... maybe I'm too hard... or maybe I'm just ridiculous but in no way did i give any sign of Hey! hit on Me. I want your attention.
I'm always in some way flattered to be hit on though. no cockiness intended.
its like when you're married. it feels good to know although you Should be untouchable someone out there thinks of you enough to let it be known they want you.
nice!
and i so was! when we drove in the gas station immediately i noticed him. or i should say them. standing in a group, loitering outside of the Arco. all different shades, heights, places in their lives but he stood out. i thought it was because he was one of the tallest. then i decided it was his smile.
boy what a smile!
but finally i realized it was the way he commanded the attention of his crew. all standing against the wall laughing an nodding their heads feeling the words coming out his mouth and he, with one leg on the curb just entertaining the masses. gear, smile, height, color, i liked! but me being me, as soon as i stepped out of the car...
Poker Face.
Ive been told i play hard to get but in my opinion I'm just playing the game better than them.
although no unnecessary emotion or attention was shown to any of them it didn't stop Mr. Certainty from pursuing.
the line, 6 people long waiting to be robbed by one slow cashier and what do you know he's too my left getting straight to His point "you got a man?"
woah woah woah! no hi, how are you? I'm ___ ?
*Gwen smirks and remains silent. arms slowly start to cross and a slow sigh escapes her body*
"so you not talking huh? i see. well I'm ___. wow finally! and you are damn beautiful. id like to get to know you better."
*insert Gwen looking at him SO CRAZY! stepping back, cutting eyes, and him backing the hell up*
"can i get $25 on three. thank you."
*steps to the side, turns to fool, hands crossed, lips pursed, and weight shifted to one side and waits*
"wassup ma, whats with the attitude?"
*Gwen laughs to herself and realizes she has to get on fools level*
"well Pa! i was wondering when you were going to say something worth listening to. when you were going to tell me how your interested in letting me get to know you. how although you are outside hanging out with your boys during work and school hours you are doing neither but possibly doing both and this is just your day off. how besides the fact you do want a chance to get with me or know me you know how to go about it with a little more tact. i was simply wondering if you cared to know the persons name of who you are so interested in "getting to know."
*prolonged silence and fool attempts to say something*
*Gwen holds up hand*
"don't say sorry, i already know you are."
i walk out the gas station the same way i came in. grounded in my spirituality, secure in my sexuality, confident in myself personally, and comfortable and happy being single because its not some incurable disease.
"oh i see. you're one of them stuck up gay females huh."
gwen.
Saturday, May 8
Step Outside Of Yourself.
I remember him across the street and walking at the same pace. Maybe me a little slower than he.
Me being who I am and he who he was and the situation being what it was sparked this whole comparison to life and the white man. How although we have influential people of color that are recognized, being a common person myself we are steady struggling to become a mere number counted.
My brown frame simply trotting along as if I didn't have somewhere to be, a purpose, a place. Enjoying nature, a unlimited play list, and worried about my hair and clothes staying in place. He, headphones, probably playing something boring, to me, was moving fluidly. Was all about getting there and making it. Quicker than me.
He was serious.
I've listened to many African Americans complain about every race, especially white people, weather it had to do with opportunities, way of life, differences, and although at times I've had to agree, most of the time I couldn't help but be disappointed in my own people.
We don't put half as much time into our education as we do when it comes to what we're wearing when we go to get that education. We don't put half as much time into doing our jobs like we do when we're in desperate need looking for one. We don't think about saving money for a rainy day until its not just raining but pouring and you need money to just exist.
We don't think to run instead of walk.
Sunday, May 2
I Want To Hold The World's Hand.
as she continued talking, although me sitting salt & pepper shakers across from her she didn't seem to notice or maybe even cared that i wasn't a ounce intrigued in what she was saying. as long as i was breathing i was worth her own sharing. as i gazed at him he gazed back, silently sizing one another up. myself, $300 Original Burberry printed button up, $100 Guess jeans, and $300 Burberry shoes. him, no labels and yet his outfit cost more than mine did.
get it?
i finally snapped out of my gaze when i found myself wondering how he could look at me with such disgust... it started to become evident as my eyes started to uneasily wonder away from his. probably sensing his presence was being dismissed, belittled, and eventually ignored because i was just another spoiled teenager that couldn't understand let alone feel any compassion or understanding when I'm used to having "everything given", product of my environment
i looked up into her MAC adorned face and caught the end of what she said "... i just don't understand people like that. all this tax money I'm paying out."
"so because you're paying taxes you feel like you're doing your part?"
"I'm just saying that extra 50 or 60 dollas they take out of my check for taxes could be a extra pair of shoes or something."
I am opposed to the system of society in which we live today, not because I lack the natural equipment to do for myself but because I am not satisfied to make myself comfortable knowing that there are thousands of my fellow men who suffer for the barest necessities of life. We were taught under the old ethic that man's business on this earth was to look out for himself. That was the ethic of the jungle; the ethic of the wild beast. Take care of yourself, no matter what may become of your fellow man. Thousands of years ago the question was asked; ''Am I my brother's keeper?'' That question has never yet been answered in a way that is satisfactory to civilized society.
Yes, I am my brother's keeper. I am under a moral obligation to him that is inspired, not by any maudlin sentimentality but by the higher duty I owe myself. What would you think me if I were capable of seating myself at a table and gorging myself with food and saw about me the children of my fellow beings starving to death.
my thoughts took me outside to where i walked up slowly to the gentleman and extended my hand "Hi, I'm Gwen and I would be honored if you joined me for lunch." he smiled wide showing healthy white teeth and extended his wrinkled hand that knew first hand hard work and replied "I'm Paul and that sounds mighty fine."
gwen.
Saturday, May 1
The New Name.
gwen.
Thursday, April 29
Are You Listening?
the first day i saw him, i couldn't take my eyes off of him. not because he was "hella fine" but because he had these indentations on his face that nobody could ignore. they looked smooth but at the same time once were hard and painful. i wanted to ask him how he got them but i just couldn't bring myself to pry. until one day i took the chance and reached out and touched them. at first he flinched so i pulled back but he grabbed my hand...
they seemed to be the perfect couple. both good looking, easy going, and loving. they walked in holding hands and walked out with him opening the door. she came to school crying one day and he held her and literally wiped her tears away. he sat in class, leg shaking, fists clenched, and she laid a gentle hand on his back and kissed his forehead. they're eyes softened and she pulled her hair behind her ear. on her neck was a tattoo "Bitch" and on his wrist "Disappointment"...
...a recovering meth addict that dated a guy for three years who gave her two beautiful little girls and herpes.
...saying "I was coming off a six day high. I had just broke into my parents house and stole my moms jewelry and little brothers PlayStation two and video games. I was trying to score. When i met up with the dude he told me he wouldn't take my stuff only money and i didn't have any. i left but came back later and tried to rob him. i got away with some and went and got high. i was so tweaked out walking up and down the street that i didn't see them rushing me from behind. they took me to a barn like place and pushed me on the ground face first it was wet and smelled like gas and one of the guys through down his cigarette.."
...she was once a ho. the stroll, a pimp, strung out addict. he used to rob people, places, was planning a heist. one night while out with his friends they went to a liquor store where as he was walking out he was asked by her was he "looking for a good time." he said yea, told her to get in the car his friend left running and drove off. they drove and drove, him never telling her where they were going and she, eventually falling asleep. they ended up in cities away and he pulled over to the side of the road "I'm leaving. I'll take you where ever you want to go along the way but i can't continue doing what i do and i don't think your liking what you do. i can tell you right now regardless of what you've done i love you..." he starts the car and drives back onto the road and they've been riding ever since.
so pretty and polished, Jerkin style and soft spoken, angelic and slim, intimidatingly masculine teddy bear, i sat by these four people in class for weeks and never could've imagined their stories.
pennanddpaperr.
Por Favor.
pennanddpaperr.
Wednesday, April 28
My Pullback .
I love hard
I will always love and get hurt
But that is my weakness
That is my pullback
When I love
I love hard
I believe in true love
I believe it's too good to be true
But that is my weakness
That is my pullback
When I love
I love hard
I endure most of your hurt
I take it and i consume it
So you won't have too
But that is my weakness
That is my pullback
When I love
I love hard
I would wait
But I would die a bit each day
So you won't have too
But that is my weakness
That is my pullback
My pullback is you.
A Day At Work.
-I bagged $167.62 in groceries ...
when she suddenly realized she had her Eco-Friendly bags. *blank stare* are you kidding me? *customers blank stare back* i don't want the plastic. well then you must be about to take all them damn groceries out of those plastic bags and put them in your own bags because my back is hurting, i should have been on break TWENTY MINUTES ago, and i'm the only one answering the phones and trying to deal with OCD SAVE THE PLANET WORK MY NERVES lady, You! "no problem."
Monday, April 26
Framed .
let me close the camera shutters and indulge in the memory card.
may I find pictures that I thought were deleted but remain simply stored.
I'm just trying to capture,
without focus,
without changing the lense,
the essence of your inner beauty.
which is why I sit in your presence and technology is nonexistent.
may I have permission?
to take your hearts deisres and give you the red light special.
develop all the beauty that true love creates.
introduce light into darkness,
feel the warmth of a wet place, yet cool as I shake.
your tripod holds me perfectly.
right in the center, vertical like.
horizontal if the angle is right.
was flash used? I remember light.
or was that just from the shutters being squeezed so tight.
I've taken plenty of different shots
& tried many different poses,
but something about this fixed spot has this camera frozen.
nothing moving, just staying.
in position
saving.
pennanddpaperr.
Saturday, April 24
Teen Life Crisis .
Friday, April 23
"You Are Not Who I Thought You Were."
as many of you know, Tuesday was 4/20. National Weed Smoking day. point blank, i participated. *gasp!* yes, Gwen is Herbal Appreciator. we'll get back to that in a minute. the daughter and mother were both following me on Twitter... until 4/20. apparently what i was saying was not "responsible" or "lady like" so she took the liberty to write me, shun me, and stop her daughter from following me on twitter and blogger.
now I'm not one to get between a mother and her child because i just wasn't raised that way but i would like to express myself on the subject because i don't feel as though i did anything wrong.
i make it a point to respect any ones reading preferences by having a adult content warning on my blog. i protect my Tweets on Twitter not because I'm trying to hide anything but because i want anyone who wants to be on either page to be sure of the choice they are making. i am a young woman with a lot of opinions, thoughts, and feelings. i am going to disappoint, anger, make proud, and anything else with my words. i am still a kid! i don't call myself a role model because that really is a heavy burden to bare and I'm not perfect. i don't like to brag about myself but one thing i can say with a straight face and you will never have to question, imma say whats on my mind. i have never edit myself, even growing up sitting in 6th grade when i told the girl in front of me that "it isn't polite to roll your eyes when people make a mistake while reading. not everybody is capable of being trained." almost 7 years later, i still do the same. sitting in Econ class talking about typical teenage nonsense like weed, parties, and sex but at the drop of a hat educating about Our Ancestors, the meaning of life, and politics.
coming later... my personal thoughts on Marijuana, Religion, Relationships, Love, Cheating, Friends, Education, and my take on myself personally.
pennanddpaperr.
Thursday, April 22
I'm Always Pretty TRUTH-ful .
2. I watch Roseanne religiously every night. she's hella funny!
3. I've realized many people who read my blog don't know me and never will. I could put my life in words and post it but they will always have their own expectations and opinions of me.
4. I don't make friends because no matter how hard I try they don't stimulate me on various levels. I think of a friendship as no different from a relationship. It takes time, trust, being fun as well as serious, communication, chemistry, and commitment. so as of now not many people have the title.
5. I saw Lauryn Hill's most recent picture on Mediatakeout.com and I felt as though my prayers might be answered that she may come back and Educate, Mentally Relieve, and Effortlessly Entertain us with her music. ♥
6. I hate when people try to force their beliefs on you about anything. period.
7. I gave in and flat ironed my hair... damn should've gave the Chi away...
8. Yesterday I really experienced and appreciated Twitter while taking a walk.
9. When i'm really feeling a song i'll play it Over and Over. lol
10. I love baked goods. cupcakes, cookies, brownies, cake, CARBS! lol
Something I don't like:
when men/women say that all men/women are the same. fareal? have you met or dated every man/woman? gosh if I had a dollar for everytime I heard this.
pennanddpaperr.
Monday, April 19
Who Is That Girl ?
did I mention I love you guys?
pennanddpaperr.
Saturday, April 17
Don't Worry, I Didn't Say Your Name Sista.
pennanddpaperr.
Friday, April 16
Where Are All The Good Ones ?
somehow he got hooked up with the girl I called my best friend,
That fucked with my then "man",
I was with,
steady,
for two years.
Jessica.
I still remember her red hair.
Horse teeth, body,
average.
but since she was a white girl, Outrageous.
gifted mind,
ignorant acts.
saw
The Gift in me before spoken words.
Then there was Josh..
came in swangin em'
Dimples,
Amazing.
And your voice,
Sing to my Ears,
That you love,
Release thoughts that have accumulated over the days.
And you really listen, and I really care.
Man I should've kissed u that night we sat on the couch,
Just chilling.
Damn.
victim of Love, He.
too good for many,
unappreciated by few,
still believes The One,
exists.
Met Chris..
at a park.
bricking shots.
Still claims that was a bad day.
Good day since we met each other,
and the party later was Live!
spent a whole night,
off of drink and smoke,
minds not there,
bodies in the same bed,
and didn't do nothing but.
Laugh.
Jay came around later.
a woman's dream but since I am a Goddess,
wasn't impressed.
talked about the sexes
that walk our Earth and we messed with.
dropping much needed and ignored knowledge.
hooked him up with my Best friend,
they're Solid.
treats her like a Queen,
I knew he would from the,
Beginning.
I'm friends with them.. ♥
pennanddpaperr.
Thursday, April 15
No Game, No Lines.
pennanddpaperr.
Wednesday, April 14
Never Thought I'd Have To Write A Post About This...
"understand" my work.
am i losing my touch..?
pennanddpaperr.
Tuesday, April 13
...And They Lived Happily Ever After!
that's the kind of Love I wanna have.
ain't letting you go for nothing else .
at first i'll exhibit Perfection and Polished but after awhile,
Our Love Not Gone.
Comfort Chains will pull Loyal Gains.
you'll stray but never forget Home.
Solid.
isn't that the real love story?
pennanddpaperr.
Sunday, April 11
Damn, Twitter Got Me !
No Cool Title .
Saturday, April 10
Don't Be A Nigger Ignorant .
1. There you are in the store, looking through racks of clothes or price checking groceries when little Keisha or Donte is running all around the store. Instead of stopping what you are doing, remaining civilized, and going to collect your obvious bebe kid, "KEISHA/DONTE!!! GET BACK OVER HERE!!!"
Don't do that!
2. You walk out looking like its laundry day, you're not done taking your braids out, and you wasn't planning on being out this long when someone well put together walks into wherever you are. You look them up and down, pick apart their appearance, and finally decide that what they have on would look better on you and "they ain't all that."
Don't do that!
3. You're walking around wearing brand names from head to toe, nails done, hair freshly cut, 'drippin' in cubic zirconias, pushing a nice whip, and swiping your EBT card like its a black card.
Don't do that!
4. Shirt, belt, shoes, jewelry, purse, highlights/streaks, nails: same color.
Don't do that!
5. Calling any woman or man a bitch or nigga.
Don't do that!
6. Going to community college for the financial aid check, claiming you're 'crazy' to receive SSI, or simply scheming to get ahead.
Don't do that!
7. That's yo 'nigga' or 'main bitch' but as soon as they're outta earshot you're telling something they told you, spreading gossip about them, quick to say yall ain't cool 'like dat', or plotting to get what they have.
Don't do that!
8. Walking out the house wearing tight fitting-damn near too small clothes, showing all your goodies and get offended when a man hits on you, says some slick shit, or simply looks at you the wrong way. If you don't want the attention, next time wear something You Know won't bring any unwanted.
Don't do that!
9. Failing African American Studies...
Don't do that!
10. Your hair is done , your child's isn't. You're well put together , your child isn't. You're wearing a jacket in cold weather , your child isn't.
Don't do that!
11. Going to church, recovery meetings, probation/parole offices, or the mall to meet a man/woman.
Don't do that!
12. Yelling across/down the street or out the windows of cars "yee!" Or "Ay baby!"
Don't do that!
13. Baggy jeans, grill in your mouth, hat low, using hands as a belt, singing off key out loud walking down the street, in front of the store, or where people have to walk.
Don't do that!
14. Cussing at your children in public and period. They're humans and need to be taught by example. they're capable of understanding and respecting verbal communication as well.
Don't do that!
There's probably a few other things that bother each of us as African Americans but I'm hoping some of us are aware of the fuckery and will stop it on our own. Sometimes a person just needs to hear it from someone else, so let Gwen have been the first to have told you :)
pennanddpaperr.
A Fluid Reason .
pennanddpaperr.
Friday, April 9
My Written Evolution .
pennanddpaperr.
Thursday, April 8
The Written Feline .
pennanddpaperr.
Wednesday, April 7
A Crumpled Piece Of Paper .
pennanddpaperr.
Tuesday, April 6
Poetic, World - MY State .
pennanddpaperr.
Monday, April 5
Speechless .
pennanddpaper.