So Quick to Judge .

You listening to your girls talk about they life
sometimes you find yourself struggling to be nice
everything she tell you can counter your opinion
wondering how you can clear the fog with the best of intention
so quick to have the answer for it all
yet you jump when your man call
you talk about others and how they rear their children
but yours is doing lord knows what cause you ain't never with them
always speaking on what you'd do in others situations
like your wiser than the next, your life epic perfection
your read the paper and agree to cage the man
who killed a man for reasons you don't try to understand
all you see is unjustified population control
but it was the murderers paycheck the dead man stole
its okay to imprison the N****s who posts on the corners of the streets
even though he's there to make sure his kids eat
N****s judge promiscuous women quick to call them hoes
She may have been molested by some male family member she knows
you feel superior to those addicted to dope
but its okay for you to hit the weed to help you cope
so stupid is the girl who gives her money to her man
but she never had a dad to let her know for what she should not stand
we congregate to damn those in the clubs and not the pews
the questions is who needs prayer more, them or you?
you look down on those who engage in same sex love
like you walk on water and are in a place to judge
you detest those in huge homes and who's bank holds a lot
you don't give away shit, yet you on eBay trying to sell any extra you got
I know I'm talking shit, venting, trying not to hold a grudge
but it pisses me off how we're all so quick to judge.

gwen.

May I Speak Freely?

I think she really dislikes me.

Not me but the things I have.

No, wait...

Yea, the things I have.

I used to think this thought was me being a complete #Spoiled #Conceited #Bitch (woah I need to stay off twitter lol) but looking at it over a lengthy span of time, I'm seeing, It is what it is and this is what it is.

She's never been ahead of me in anything. Relationships, Gear, Socially, Grades, Life period. I've endured the less pain, the less disappointment... and the rest of that shit people who've had it hard, say to somehow make anyone who hasn't been through the Exact shit feel guilty.

Having seen this #fact for awhile now, I've reached out. Tried to connect, BeClose, tiiiiiiight, folks! but who I am and who she is & steady becoming isn't meant to be, even if I wrote the story.

I love her regardless, but I refuse to forever be blamed for my proactive-ness in my life because 1) i pay for everything I have 2)have been through my share of pain but refuse to let it keep me down 3) and know my worth.♥

I hate to say it but, Get Like Me!

gwen.

Randoms .

I will be 19 in four days and there is no excitement. I Am looking forward to my bestie coming down though. I'm dragging her to see the best sequel to any movie... Sex & The City 2!!! (Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, & Miranda♥)

I look forward to falling asleep every night so when I awake in the morning and my eyes adjust, I can look at my New tattoo! This is true love. Falling in love with the same person/thing over and over :)

The people at my job are going to start thinking I can't count. My drawer has been over twice and short twice. Wtf Gwen?! ...I'm so tired of seeing that pad with the write up slips attached =\

Lately I've been watching a lot of iCarly... ?

I met this guy that has the weirdest way of talking. No fa real. He says shit like "man that's like tieing a knot around two kangaroos" ...what does that have to do with me saying "there should be a law against a slice of cheesecake being bigger than myself"? .... Exactly!

Its been two, almost three days since I've been inked and I already know what I want my second to be. Of course it will be awhile, since iRefuse to let anybody else scrape my skin but Jeff and he's booked till August. Soo it'll be another well thought out, perfectly placed, happy ending when I finally do get countlessly poked again.

Lately, after getting high, instead of eating(LOL) I belly dance to whatever music plays on my mix Cd's. Its been working wonders for my abs. No lie.

I think I have OCD when it comes to washing my hands. I haven't reached Monk stages but Curel and myself have forged one hell of a moisturized bond.


*i only posted this because i wanted to elaborate and on Twitter I'm limited to 140 characters before i have to use Tweet Longer and have (cont) at the end of my very entertaining thoughts :)

gwen.

Two Fourty-Seven AM

i had a lot to say.

before my moms slow ass laptop took its time to load and i suddenly became fatigued.

i was thinking i would just spill my emotions out into this post and let the numerous eyes that read judge me for the things i would say... and then i thought me saying what i originally wanted to say out of another whirlwind of emotions would be easier in a 10 - 1, but i didnt want to speak background words that would never reach the soundtrack....

and now...

well,

i don't even want to mention the words i wanted so badly before to say because, the subject isnt worth my time or energy. in fact as i write these words and my eyelids become heavier, i can't remember why i ever wanted to utter them.

oh wait.

because i was looking for comfort.

some divine act to make me suddenly feel better about everything and stop this rollercoaster ride, some random tweet to make me smile and never have flipped up and ran toward the keys.

guess it won't be happening tonight...

gwen.

"i didnt mean to call you"

this is why i hate "getting to know" or "talking" to a guy. i detest the vulnerability. the waiting for his phone calls, the butterflies from a text message, the lack of emotional control when he makes you laugh and can even make you smile when your mad. point blank, the expectations. and not just expecting "things" but the common courtesies. without them knowing it they hold you in their hands...

im thinking i should have a little more control... but lets be real, I'm a girl! I'm emotional! i suck that lovey dovey shit up and like every minute im living it.


*mind conversation* "get it together Gwen. you're not too far gone. it's still possible to bounce back"

*long sigh and hangs head*

NO good can come from this.




pennanddpaperr.

You Deserve A Oscar .

i figure it has to be act.

it cannot be possible to have a body that holds a heart with no soul and a brain with no conscious. although, time and time again weather its my own personal experiences or others it has been proven that these douche lords are 24/7 devoted to their craft; negatively changing lives. i cant count on my fingers how many times i have heard someone say that He uttered the meaningless words, i never meant to hurt you. of course AFTER he was out dancing up on Mariah, kissing up on Christina, or banging Shannon. I'm starting to realize that we have been living blind lives ladies. we have, as women have evolved, discredited these males and gave no second thoughts to them and their games because we seemingly had it all figured out: play hard to get, seem uninterested, and hold tight to our well thought out standards. BUT after time and time again coming toe to toe with these creatures and their webs of unplanned, uncertain smooth ways those things prove unreliable in comparison. we lose our minds, lives, and purpose. too wrapped up in his happiness, dreams, and growth. later looking back on all you could have accomplished, all hes inheriting, and what the next will appreciate. they're naturally unrelentless beings who before they could walk knew how to manipulate their mothers and make their fathers proud...

Rihanna said it best, Take a bow .

pennanddpaperr.

Them Pregnancy Pains Is No Joke !

walking down the aisle looking for a ProMax protein bar and sipping on my Fiji water, there she was. on the floor, sprawled out, tears gushing from her red eyes, and toddler teeth exposed from her wide drooling mouth, screaming and crying.

*stops abruptly, stutter stepping looking around from shock*

right in the middle of aisle 7 organics at Raley's just there on the floor showing out while her mother, Caucasian, *no offense jstar, you know you my girl !* obviously hasn't gave this fuckery a second thought, bending over further investigating the nutritional content of some couscous.

"Elaina get up honey. If you don't get up we wont go to Toys r' us."

*looks from the little girl to the mother like 'are you serious?!' *you know that look where you have to jerk your head back ANNND look to the side because its just THAT schocking*

little child from the corn is ignoring the hell out of *Becky* and steady shouting and screaming. just rolling all over the place and after trying to blink this awful reality away i realize right in the front of my ProMax protein bars. great. -_-

*clears throat*

*Becky* looks up and smiles. soOoOo i see your not embarrassed your kid is over here looking like shes practicing the fire drill, alriiight.

"Elaina get up. the nice lady wants to get over there."

does the spawn of Satan stop? she looks from her mom to me and had the nerve to roll her puffy blue eyes! and continue on with her shenanigans.

*Shanaynay "oh my goooodness?!"*

"Oh ! shes so impossible sometime" *Becky* smiles and reaches across and passes me the bar i wanted. i say 'thank you' and immediately turn around and get the hell up outta there.

i love kids and i want kids but I WILL take my kids up outta this world ! if they pulled some shit like that in the store ! i ain't going to be beating my children but there is nothing nobody will be able to tell me if my child is acting out of line and they need to be popped back into place. not to mention all them hours ima be in a room with people i don't know all down, in between, and up in my business telling me to push a watermelon out of something lemon size.

so sure we can do the *Becky* - talk first, but please believe if he or she try playing me like they been living on this earth longer than me, them momma pains ain't going to be a joke !

pennanddpaperr.

Do The Right Thing .

I know it was wrong. It was selfish, a complete act of irresponsibility and lack of self control. It went against everything I stood for.

*leans back in La-Z-Boy and rubs temples*

I could lie and say I don't know how it happened but the regret and shame I feel wouldn't go away. In fact it hasn't left since I quit moaning, told him to stop, and he slipped out of me.

*sigh*

At first I blamed him. He was the one that wanted to take me out and 'hang'. But in my mind I knew I was just horny and had long ago decided if the time ever arose I would sex him down, forget it ever happened, and ignore he had a girl. See I'm not as great as you guys thought.

*looks up at the ceiling*

Then I realized it was me. As strong minded and respectable as I had always prided myself on being I had in fifteen minutes became the girl that ruins beautiful relationships and scars a lover. The girl you shake your damn head at because she's a home wrecking little slut ! Ouch ! :(

He told me he would tell her. In his own way, at the right time. What time is right to have your heart broke? And since the 'incident' I have asked him constantly and consistently avoided him at the same time. I even went as far to write her on facebook and sincerely apologize and give her the heads up since NOBODY DID IT FOR ME !

"You fucking bitch! How dare you write me telling lies on my man! He didn't want you! He just couldn't get to me! That will be the last time you get the chance to be with him you ugly bitch! Now go die!"

*slams laptop down after re-reading the message and crosses arms across chest. purses lips*

Regardless of me being guilt ridden and honestly sorry there are just a few problems with her little 'I'm hard because I used exclamation points' message.

Telling lies on my man!

-sweetie he told you the same thing!... or did he?

He didn't want you! He just couldn't get to me!

-he couldn't reach you once in yal whole 9 month relationship? Because he was damn sure reaching out and trying to touch me the whole time. *fail! Until this incident*

That will be the last time you get the chance to be with him you ugly bitch!

-last chance? who are you Ginuwine? he most definitely won't be with me but who's to say he won't be with someone else. and who ugly ? c'mon son !

*looks at BB red light blinking. text message: when we going to kick it again?*

*blank stare* need i say more ?

pennanddpaperr.

I'm Aware I'm Not Ugly . *no cockiness intended*

When did what I look like matter so much it became the reason why nothing bad should ever occur in my life?

Being pretty doesn't stop a man from cheating. Being pretty doesn't get you good grades. Being pretty doesn't console your heart after a breakup. Being pretty doesn't make people take you serious. Being pretty does not exempt you from the lack of well thought out waste of words that spill from useless life forms.

Guys. I praise the ones that have genuine interest and purpose -pause-

I am very aware you good ones do exist. You are the beautiful creatures I write uplifting posts about. But I wish you would quit hiding under rocks in caves in New Zealand !

-play- But I could super kick through a wall! the ones that feel as though by complimenting me on my looks you are scoring major points.

NOT !

If I was the type to eat that superficial shit up, you would only be gassing my head. Not getting any closer to me. You would further be proving why I didn't need what's his name and why I don't need you. Goodbye!

Really, would it kill you to turn off your automatic asshole switch and try for once looking past the exterior and saying something meaningful?

How are you ?

How has your day been ?

Care to talk about what's bothering you ?

Age , location , ARE YOU IN SCHOOL ?

But NoOoOoOo ! you get :

"Your too pretty to put up with ____''

"As pretty as you are, ______''

"Nobody as beautiful as you, _____"

Blah blah blah STFU !

I'm not looking for a b o y to validate me. I'm waiting for a man that can see past what any common person sees and care enough to get to know ME. A beautiful mind. ♥

pennanddpaperr.

Empire State Of Mind .

New York.

A fascination I have grown with. Have you ever had the feeling of not belonging? Like you weren't meant to live where you're at? For example, you're a city girl at heart, you enjoy every moment you get to venture into the center of all the action and excitement. Yet, you're trapped within the confines of your country-ass hometown.Yes, this is how I feel.And I mean I've felt this way since like uh... forever.

New York, I believe I was meant to be there. Live there. Breathe there. I don't know, I suppose Vacaville, just isn't my calling. The city is growing, but it can never compare to the legend of NYC.

Its a passion that I intend to explore further.

pennanddpaperr.

Is This What Our Ancestors Was Fighting For ?

I'm sick of being praised for my light skin. The obvious lack of pigmentation that somehow makes me automatically cuter, better, and more socially acceptable. Being embraced for being a mixed race when I could really care less. No thoughts on my face being wide and round or my nose looking spread. They see the shine that the sun illuminates and equate it to beauty.

So many genuine yet ignorant compliments that makes a smile appear and a 'thank you' escape while someone darker than I am, more beautiful, barely gets a second look. I think although the African American race is the most beautiful race to be, its important meaning is lost within "society's acceptance." We are more than shades. We are a history. We are a struggle to be accepted by those that in a time didn't care how dark or light we were but classified us all the same.

We walk around with chips on our shoulders for the past life most of us never lived. knowing nothing of the history, only the images and mad , why?

slavery kept us more united than WE can with freedom.

pennanddpaperr.

He's Stupid and You're Dumb .

It kills me when women get with a guy with intentions of changing him. I mean really, what the hell is that?! You fall for him knowing what the shit is before hand: he was with somebody, showed some interest in you, talked big shit and made his original chick seem like nothing more than a jump off, ends up spending more time with you but she keeps popping up because SHE can't get over him? Uhm WRONG ! I want to just shake the hell out of these females, rewind the production of this so called relationship, and pin point every time she should have kicked gravel and traveled.

They must have never been told, so I will do it : You can NOT change people ! If they don't want to change there is nothing you can do to make them. You can love them all you want, give them whatever they want, and run whatever 'game' you think you are running but the shit won't change. AND don't even begin to think because you read it in a urban novel the power of pussy is going to get you anywhere. When you lay down together the shit is bueno but when you get up he's the same little boy that just sweated out your weave, fucked up your sheets, and leaving pleased.

POW ! You - 0 , Him - 1

Don't say 'I'm through !' either. To turn right around and take him back when he comes with apologies, tired ass excuses, and a whole bunch of bullshit act right that never lasts. I know bitches can really be on some foul shit and you can't always trust them but if her story sounds far fetched and his story too innocent, somewhere in the middle lies the truth.

So go ahead and cry girl. Hate him and her for as long as it takes and blame yourself while at it because in the end you will have learned, you can't change people.

pennanddpaperr.

Out Of My Mind . Back In A Hour .

It took me exactly seventeen minutes from the time I woke up to now, for me to be sprawled out on my bed in petulance !


*rolls over and furiously types* that was a good opening line.


Why must she get under my skin like this?! In the most woah!-where-did-that-come-from! way . On what was starting off as a very good day...


*plays with her belly ring, closes eyes and let's the mental recap take over*


"What are you doing?"


*profusely enthralled with something on her Blackberry*


One word, "Facebook."


"Why aren't you dressed?"


*pauses from writing on Anthony's wall and thinks 'look lady, I let the first dumb question you asked go. Must you keep testing my patience.'


More subtle tone, "I've decided not to wash. I need to shower and do some personal things, but no worries me and Karen made a arrangement."


*LaDaDa back to FB*


Then it happens. Black Girl Syndrome kicks in. She shifts her weight to one leg, which causes her arms to cross, a penetrating stare of the eyes, and a finale of pursed lips.


*looks over Blackberry.*


"How are you going to expect someone else to wash your dirty clothes. That I'm not dirty, my clothes aren't this dirty you speak of. Dirty... That's such a dirty sounding word is just unacceptable Sparkle my nickname you should have been up so you could go wash them. maybe I would have if someone hadn't just woke me up to get them ready ohhh FOUR MINUTES AGO ! WHILE YOU BOTH ARE FRESH, DRESSED, AND READY TO GO ALREADY ! *chest heaves up and down* your an adult." swell, today I'm a adult! -_- can we keep the memos coming daily so I'll know everyday what you'll be treating me as.


a three minutes tussle and here I am. on a bed with no sheets or comforter, after a door slammed, and six very fast paces back and forth.


*opens eyes and hears the voices outside of her door. sigh. Gets up and reaches for the door knob . Stops short. Turns around and starts to pace.*


- inner back and forth -


If she just wouldn't nag so damn much !... Or maybe if you didn't procrastinate so much... No! If she wouldn't be so anal about things... Or if you were more serious about things... She needs to back off and quit attacking !... You're just defensive... She always has to tell me what to do!... You never want to be told what to do...


*stops and sits on the floor. rubs temples. deep breath, slow release*


Let's be adults about this. Is this anything out of the normal for us? no. Will it blow over? As soon as she says 'Sparkle could've came. we was at the house long enough for her to take a shower' which she will say sometime between the car ride and when she's getting tired of washing. then my sister will ride in *galloping hooves* like the fair maiden she is. long brown hair flowing and shield held high on a white stallion and save the day !


A exaggerated daydream and thirty minutes of cardio later ...


*reclines in La-Z-Boy with arms behind her head.* I've decided to forgive her. People make mistakes. We're human. I'll just clean my room. procrastinated for one OR two weeks about that and be dressed to get my nails, brows, and feet done when she returns...

Okay who am I kidding ! I'll apologize. Along with all the above. After all I love my mommy even though she nags, doesn't always understand, and has O.C.D. *laughs to herself* I mean procrastination is probably going to be enough reason for me to want to kill my kid oneday too ! : )


pennanddpaperr.

Live And Learn .

I don't consider myself a ride or die chick because like my girl Tashay Royal said i dont posess that "he can fuck around on me , but I'm going to always be right here." kind of attitude. that "I'm a ride whether he robbing a bank , selling drugs , and sitting behind bars for life." kind of attitude BUT I am a good woman. I'll stand by you, support you, help you out, and love you but I'm NOT going to break my pockets taking care of you or stand for any of the above.


*Gwen stretches out on the couch and crosses her legs*


I used to date this douche lord named ... Hmm let's call him Joe. In the beginning Joe seemed real legit. Good job, car, own crib. etc. Basically put on a good front. After our first date we spent a lot of time together. Started dating and everything was bueno. It always is in the beginning.


*rolls eyes and holds head with her hand*


About a month and a half into the relationship the excuses start. For instance Joe lost his job. Wait. That's not accurate. "My job is moving." So you don't have a job. "I'm just not working till they get moved in a month or two." So you don't have a job. "I have a job, I'm just not working it right now." You're getting no hours. You're getting no money. You don't have a job.


Joe decides he wants me to meet his family. We go and see his mom first. Moms and I are talking and enjoying Maury. "Want to see my room?" Your room? "Here it is" Your mom kept all your stuff in your room? "Well I do live here."


*tires screetch*


You told me you had your own spot... ? "Mm Ready to go see my aunt?" No ! I want you to introduce me to the well put together person I met at in and out burger.


*sits pretzel style and prepares to get down to It*


As times goes on I'm noticing all the confident answers are meaningless empty words and I suddenly don't need him for a damn thing. I don't sleep around. In fact I can count all my sexual partners on one hand with two fingers but it didn't take experience for me to know the dick was TRASH ! I'm talking not one orgasm licky licky or sticky sticky.


*sprawls out on the couch*


When your not being satisfied and coming out of pocket for EVERYTHING your patience is *snaps fingers* that short. I had no problem helping him out when he fell a little short but when you cant afford to keep gas in your own car, pay your cellphone bill, and trying to live like you can afford caviar on a cheeseburger budget you need to STOP ! and get your priorities in check. WITHOUT ME .


*sigh*


I get burnt out just talking about this waste of life form.

The icing on the cake was when we were driving from Joe's house in Sacramento to my house in Vacaville and we had to go to the gas station. Its five in the morning, I've had two hours of sleep, and I'm riding with somebody I can barely stand to be around let alone talk to. so when he knowingly put his debit card into the gas ATM, received NO money and got back in the car with NO gas I knew he was with the shenanigans. Joe has less than a fourth of a tank but decides to drive all the way to Davis when "Babe, you think I can borrow ten dollars to get some gas."


*blank stare*


Hell no you broke ass, erectile disfunctioning, loser ! And if I say no?

*immediately purses her lips, crosses her arms, and a big ass PSH !*

he exits the freeway and turns into the gas station. That's right! or I'll be walking to my damn house from Davis! I give him the ten dollars knowing he has no intention of paying me back because he hasn't even paid my MOM back the ten dollars he borrowed from her, or the sixty dollars he borrowed from my SISTER to send me flowers! None of which I knew about till after I kicked him to the curb. i mean this punk idiot knew he didnt have any money when we left Sacramento! dont act like the shit just hit you when we are potentially about to be stuck on the side of the road.


*sits up and leans forward shaking head. contemplates smoking a cigarette* not even a smoker.

Along with that ten dollars, I gave him the cold shoulder and swore to never give him the chance to be in my presence again. You Are The Weakest Link, Goodbye !

My thing is this: Don't start something your not going to continue throughout the relationship. Fuck impressing me the first date by opening my door, talking yourself up big to not have any of what you spoke of, and paying for the date or plural if your not going to continue with this type of treatment. And make sure you know that you know that you know what to do in the bedroom before you start kissing, touching, and getting a girl all worked up.


*rolls eyes, crosses legs, and folds arms*


It crossed my mind that maybe he was playing me but I am the spawn of a true life playa. Game recognize game and you looking kinda unfamiliar - Riley from The Boondocks


pennanddpaperr.

No Point At All .

its three in the morning . I'm awake . why ? i have no idea . i haven't had a normal sleeping pattern since freshmen year in high school . i cant pin point weather it was the subconscious stress of being a 'teenager' or the countless nights of late night phone conversations with the steady boyfriend i kept for two years . way to catch a girl in her coming out . asshole .

I'm watching Serendipity . love the title . hate the movie . I'm not a fan of the up and down back and forth chase me thing . it gets boring, predictable, and only makes me scream at the TV "Hurry up your about to miss her!!!" "Nooo ! He's coming ! Just wait a minute girl !!" . does he ever get there in time? does she ever wait? sure . a hour and some odd minutes later . -_-

we don't have any toothpicks in this house . me and my nephew have openly voiced this fact countless times and yet, we still don't have any . this normally wouldn't bother me . the toothpick thing but do you know what kinds of foods get stuck in your teeth ? .... ALL KINDS OF FOODS ! my next reminder will be via text message since that's the only thing they can seem to remember . their cellphones .

i hate being awake . maybe i should rephrase . thank you lord for allowing me to be awake BUT i hate being awake when i should be asleep . resting . why ? because i want to eat . not eat a meal and call it a night . i want to snack . the tasty Doritos . followed by a spoon and a pint of B&J Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough . and a handful of white cheddar Cheez-Its to get rid of the sweet taste in my mouth ...

*gets out of her bed and heads to the kitchen . stops mid hallway, turns around, and walks back in room . paces back and forth a few times touching her stomach . flops back on bed and grabs laptop . shakes head .*

i need to go to sleep .

pennanddpaperr.

It'll Get Better ...

I'm losing in this game called life right now . I'm coming up short more than on top and instead of a royal flush my cards all bust . My patience is wearing thin and my motivation and faith is dissolving faster than sugar in water . I'm trying to keep my chin up but in a constant shift how do you maintain still ? Maybe I'm giving these thoughts too much power over me and my life . Maybe I'm making it too easy on this feeling to completely capture my spirit and mentality . I haven't yet uttered the words of blame on 2010 . I mean can I really when its only been one day....

pennanddpaperr.

I Only Use Pink Lotion .

as i stood there holding a conversation with my older sister about the difference between Yaki and Remy hair two females walked in seemingly at home in the beauty supply store with heads adorned with highlighter colored head scarves and pajamas on. they walked down a separate aisle and made their way back up the aisle we were on and began talking loudly about hair: texture, length, and color. as i looked at my sister and gave her the look to make our escape route one girl asked me "excuse me? what kind of hair do you use? your weave is nice with the curls and bangs." excuse me? weave? "i don't know why you asking her. she probably stuck up." girl number two said under her breath while rolling her eyes. its 2010, God please give me the strength to not slap this chick. I'm pissed off by this time. "its called genetics." POW ! Gwen - 1 , Girls -0


"OoOh really?! is that a new line or something?"

-_- really ?



as if that wasn't enough !

as we are in line the same two girls are in front of us. steady talking loud to be noticed, rolling their necks, and hi fiving in agreement about complete ignorant subjects. i don't think of myself as being better than anyone but damn. its bad enough your African American must you really act so ignorant and in public. but what took the cake was as girl number two talked about her babys father "bitching and moaning" about paying child support "because of his new bitch" rolls eyes. she goes on about how she is a "bad bitch" and shouldn't be seen at the social services office trying to get on welfare when she deserves the best. not her child deserves the best but she does. girl number one gives the regular ole "hm mm girl i feel you" and adds "all i know is that i miss getting paper food stamps so i could get the change back." and guess what happens next?

the infamous hi-five.

pathetic.

pennanddpaperr.

Online Applications .

I HATE THEM !

You apply online and NEVER get a call back.

Bring Back Paper Applications !

At least then they have to look at you and fake interest.

pennanddpaperr.

Moment Of Weakness .

It never really bothered me. Being alone. This single thing. Take your pick. But on this particular night while all my friends are cuddled up, out on dates, or simply getting their fuck on here I am. Alone in bed watching countless episodes of Sex and The City and eating cupcakes. Sounds more like figure suicide. Yea, just prepare the unfashionable white straight jacket and matching padded room. "she's a live one!"

There they are on my flat screen. Living these amazing lives in the fast paced city of tall buildings and endless possibilities. Wearing great fashions and dating the kind of men I have yet to find ! ♥Aidan

*sigh.

Okay Gwen get it the hell together! Snap the flip out of it! Your coming unhinged! Its not a curse to be alone... More of a relationship vacation ! *straightens posture and smiles

Who am i kidding?! *slumps It's been a year and 4 months. *grabs a cupcake and takes a bite

One IS the loneliest number.

pennanddpaperr.

One Lie After Another .

• " I Don't Suck Dick . "

if i had a dollar for every time i heard this line i would be one rich motha. the number of women that lie about this subject is too outrageous to not feel compelled to say "girl quit lying !" or at the least think your own personal thought or two. i understand that it is a personal subject but some of you females suck so much dick yal should walk around on your knees ! its okay if you do or don't, but why lie? when did pleasing our partners become this shameful act that people are afraid to admit and talk about. its not IF you do, its who you do it with that matters. you cant do the damn thing with everybody because not everybody is safe and clean ! And what you wont do, another woman will. Remember that.

• " Ive Only Slept With 6 People . "

i have never came across a woman that didn't like sex. weather it was intercourse, anal. or oral she partook in it and enjoyed it. what person doesn't? its like music, its universal, but unlike music woman are not lying about how many different artists they listen to but instead how many people they have done "the do" with. i don't have anything jaw dropping to say about this topic because i understand that by being a women we are looked at differently from men when the number of partners we have had exceed a certain number. its not right to lie but what is a woman to do when most men will quickly be disgusted and quicker disregard her of being anything worth giving respect and time to. personally i say SCREW EM ! dont be ashamed because you like to get it in. hell, if men where on their jobs in that department we wouldnt feel the need to change partners. hmph!

• " Like My Bag ? "

you feel the need to validate the person you are and you are rocking a fake Louie, Gucci, or Coach. who do you think you are fooling? what woman does not follow fashion and can spot one quicker than a broke man. you feel completely self conscious while out flaunting it and as soon as you see someone with a possible real one, you just want to hide under a rock and go back to when you stuffed all your personals into that bag. why put yourself through the torture? save up for the real bag and DON'T lie when people ask. havent we not learned anything from Sex and The City?

• " I Don't Wear Makeup ."

sure you don't. and as soon as i get close enough to you i see pressed powder and foundation marks. i don't knock makeup. i love it ! but women, yal need to quit talking about i don't wear makeup and this is natural when you know you a natural lie. threes not many people in this world that don't wear makeup weather it varies from a little to alot. even the most beautiful women on television wear makeup and A LOT more than we all would have thought. makeup isn't intended to be something we hide behind but to give us a confidence boost, to enhance what we already have, and to give us what we all love : choices.

• " I'm 21 " When Im Really 26 .

i was young, well younger once upon a time and their is always that one guy that is older than you. you don't think he notices you so you lie about your age so he will take you more serious. lol kids. and now as we age their tends to be a younger guy you want to take you serious and you lie about being younger. woah ! what the fizzle ! i have seen both being done and it makes me wonder, why ? we age ourselves to be younger or older and most of the time we end up being called liars when found out and alone in the end because the jerk wasn't even worth the initial lie. we should feel comfortable at whatever age we are and it should not be a problem because feelings don't have a age limit. men want the "PYT" but later complain about the lack of maturity. then they want the "older woman" but very rarely know what to do with her or how to survive in a more mature relationship, so screw them ! they cant even decide what they want.

• " My Hair Is Real . "

i don't know what it is about weaves but females become big time liars when they get them. they flaunt em like they grew the shit themselves and didn't just go to the local beauty supply store and have a home girl sew it in. some weaves do be nice, no lie. Ive never had one but they can transform a person and give a woman confidence which is always beautiful, but when you come in contact with those one brawds that just feel like you cant tell them shit because they know they look good, it makes me want to shake the glue, thread, or whatever else they have in their heads out of em. you just had a short brown bob the other day and now you walking around acting like you Naomi Campbell with long luxurious locks. who are you fooling? i ain't hating, I'm mixed with good hair, just don't be making yourself look stupid when everybody and their mamas can see "that ain't you".

• " That's Just My Friend . "

yal kill me when yal say these words and i just saw you the other night hugging all up on your so called "friend". its not impossible to have male platonic friendships but if that's what you are claiming, then at least be telling the truth. you bring him around saying hes just your friend, trying to hook him up with another friend, and later that night tieing up his phone line and playing "overprotective" when another female is making a move. either make it official or do it wiggling because sooner or later you are going to have to face the light. something happens to the "arrangement" and yal quit hanging so tough, itll only be obvious yal "broke up."

• " Im A Size 6 ? "

all i am going to say is "Wear proper fitting clothes" . everything that looks good on "barbie" isn't going to look good on you girl ! everybody is different and have different body types. you have bigger stomach - get a bigger shirt ! you have a bigger butt - get some bigger pants ! why must you walk around looking like a pregnant Mexican ! get it together because the shit is NOT cute and nobody wants someone looking all sloppy and bloated.

any who, that's just some of the things that women lie about that bother me. feel free to quit following me now. ( :

pennanddpaperr .