Think about it...

Organized lies out plays unorganized truths.

Thats why the government is gettin over on u

gwen.

When Did Single Translate To Gay?

"oh i see. you're one of them stuck up gay females huh."

*tires screech*

the period had to be used seeing as how he wasn't asking or waiting for a answer but stating openly that he had me figured out.

you can't be serious? -_-

since i walked past you and your boys with a tight pair of distressed jeans and a off the shoulder sweater, a slight shake of my side swept bangs and a polite smile but gave no response to your unmatched oral ignorance compared to your demeanor, I'm gay.... ?

*crickets*

riiiiiiiiiight.

although i didn't ask, Ive wondered since this incident what would make someone say this, besides the offended ego.

most people read body language.

you're in the mall with your boys/girls, see a cutie and try to get their attention by walking by, stopping and chilling in a noticeable area, or whatever your approach is. you look in their direction in hopes they will lock eyes with yours and if they do, they will smile or wave and that's your que. maybe I'm too smart or... maybe I'm too hard... or maybe I'm just ridiculous but in no way did i give any sign of Hey! hit on Me. I want your attention.

I'm always in some way flattered to be hit on though. no cockiness intended.

its like when you're married. it feels good to know although you Should be untouchable someone out there thinks of you enough to let it be known they want you.

nice!

and i so was! when we drove in the gas station immediately i noticed him. or i should say them. standing in a group, loitering outside of the Arco. all different shades, heights, places in their lives but he stood out. i thought it was because he was one of the tallest. then i decided it was his smile.

boy what a smile!

but finally i realized it was the way he commanded the attention of his crew. all standing against the wall laughing an nodding their heads feeling the words coming out his mouth and he, with one leg on the curb just entertaining the masses. gear, smile, height, color, i liked! but me being me, as soon as i stepped out of the car...

Poker Face.

Ive been told i play hard to get but in my opinion I'm just playing the game better than them.

although no unnecessary emotion or attention was shown to any of them it didn't stop Mr. Certainty from pursuing.

the line, 6 people long waiting to be robbed by one slow cashier and what do you know he's too my left getting straight to His point "you got a man?"

woah woah woah! no hi, how are you? I'm ___ ?

*Gwen smirks and remains silent. arms slowly start to cross and a slow sigh escapes her body*

"so you not talking huh? i see. well I'm ___. wow finally! and you are damn beautiful. id like to get to know you better."

*insert cute fool flashing smile and touching Gwen's face*

*insert Gwen looking at him SO CRAZY! stepping back, cutting eyes, and him backing the hell up*

"can i get $25 on three. thank you."

*steps to the side, turns to fool, hands crossed, lips pursed, and weight shifted to one side and waits*

"wassup ma, whats with the attitude?"

*Gwen laughs to herself and realizes she has to get on fools level*

"well Pa! i was wondering when you were going to say something worth listening to. when you were going to tell me how your interested in letting me get to know you. how although you are outside hanging out with your boys during work and school hours you are doing neither but possibly doing both and this is just your day off. how besides the fact you do want a chance to get with me or know me you know how to go about it with a little more tact. i was simply wondering if you cared to know the persons name of who you are so interested in "getting to know."

*prolonged silence and fool attempts to say something*

*Gwen holds up hand*

"don't say sorry, i already know you are."

i walk out the gas station the same way i came in. grounded in my spirituality, secure in my sexuality, confident in myself personally, and comfortable and happy being single because its not some incurable disease.

"oh i see. you're one of them stuck up gay females huh."

*thinks to herself, turns around, and says with a smile*

"nahhh. I'm not stuck up but I am very happy with One woman."

gwen.

Are You Listening?

she said it took her having her first child to get a grasp on reality. to really stop what she was doing wrong in her life and make a change. getting pregnant at seventeen by a guy that she learned how to love correctly and incorrectly for multiple years, who gave her something she will never be able to rid her body of. looking back on it, i remember hearing about her. she was known for fighting and partying...

the first day i saw him, i couldn't take my eyes off of him. not because he was "hella fine" but because he had these indentations on his face that nobody could ignore. they looked smooth but at the same time once were hard and painful. i wanted to ask him how he got them but i just couldn't bring myself to pry. until one day i took the chance and reached out and touched them. at first he flinched so i pulled back but he grabbed my hand...

they seemed to be the perfect couple. both good looking, easy going, and loving. they walked in holding hands and walked out with him opening the door. she came to school crying one day and he held her and literally wiped her tears away. he sat in class, leg shaking, fists clenched, and she laid a gentle hand on his back and kissed his forehead. they're eyes softened and she pulled her hair behind her ear. on her neck was a tattoo "Bitch" and on his wrist "Disappointment"...

...a recovering meth addict that dated a guy for three years who gave her two beautiful little girls and herpes.

...saying "I was coming off a six day high. I had just broke into my parents house and stole my moms jewelry and little brothers PlayStation two and video games. I was trying to score. When i met up with the dude he told me he wouldn't take my stuff only money and i didn't have any. i left but came back later and tried to rob him. i got away with some and went and got high. i was so tweaked out walking up and down the street that i didn't see them rushing me from behind. they took me to a barn like place and pushed me on the ground face first it was wet and smelled like gas and one of the guys through down his cigarette.."

...she was once a ho. the stroll, a pimp, strung out addict. he used to rob people, places, was planning a heist. one night while out with his friends they went to a liquor store where as he was walking out he was asked by her was he "looking for a good time." he said yea, told her to get in the car his friend left running and drove off. they drove and drove, him never telling her where they were going and she, eventually falling asleep. they ended up in cities away and he pulled over to the side of the road "I'm leaving. I'll take you where ever you want to go along the way but i can't continue doing what i do and i don't think your liking what you do. i can tell you right now regardless of what you've done i love you..." he starts the car and drives back onto the road and they've been riding ever since.

so pretty and polished, Jerkin style and soft spoken, angelic and slim, intimidatingly masculine teddy bear, i sat by these four people in class for weeks and never could've imagined their stories.

pennanddpaperr.

"You Are Not Who I Thought You Were."

when I hit about 50 followers on blogger a few special ladies stood out from the group. they took the time to talk to me, comment faithfully, shout me out, award me, and all the other wonderful blog perks. well, along with Shay, RoByn, Amy, Miss Traci, and Keisha there was another beautiful middle aged woman. beautiful writer, appreciator of my written works, and most importantly a mother. her sixteen year old daughter was a vigilant reader of mine and although she didn't have a blog she kept up with me through her gmail or her mothers blog account. thank you! if you ever get the chance to read my words again..


as many of you know, Tuesday was 4/20. National Weed Smoking day. point blank, i participated. *gasp!* yes, Gwen is Herbal Appreciator. we'll get back to that in a minute. the daughter and mother were both following me on Twitter... until 4/20. apparently what i was saying was not "responsible" or "lady like" so she took the liberty to write me, shun me, and stop her daughter from following me on twitter and blogger.


now I'm not one to get between a mother and her child because i just wasn't raised that way but i would like to express myself on the subject because i don't feel as though i did anything wrong.


i make it a point to respect any ones reading preferences by having a adult content warning on my blog. i protect my Tweets on Twitter not because I'm trying to hide anything but because i want anyone who wants to be on either page to be sure of the choice they are making. i am a young woman with a lot of opinions, thoughts, and feelings. i am going to disappoint, anger, make proud, and anything else with my words. i am still a kid! i don't call myself a role model because that really is a heavy burden to bare and I'm not perfect. i don't like to brag about myself but one thing i can say with a straight face and you will never have to question, imma say whats on my mind. i have never edit myself, even growing up sitting in 6th grade when i told the girl in front of me that "it isn't polite to roll your eyes when people make a mistake while reading. not everybody is capable of being trained." almost 7 years later, i still do the same. sitting in Econ class talking about typical teenage nonsense like weed, parties, and sex but at the drop of a hat educating about Our Ancestors, the meaning of life, and politics.

"You made a choice to follow me because you thought i was a good role model for your daughter but i think you failed to realize I'm not too much older than your daughter and that maybe one of the reasons she enjoys my writing so much was that she could harmonize with me. she didn't feel judged for feeling the same things i wrote about, she silently agreed with me from her side of the computer, and when we talked she was herself. if you expect me to apologize for what i said on 4/20 and the days following, I'm not going to. that would be me apologizing for being me and i will never apologize for being the only Real thing i know how to be but i will say, in no way was i ever glamorizing my actions or trying to sell my ideals to anyone especially your daughter. i appreciated you two following me and i do miss your presence as followers. feel free to come back anytime."

coming later... my personal thoughts on Marijuana, Religion, Relationships, Love, Cheating, Friends, Education, and my take on myself personally.


pennanddpaperr.

Don't Worry, I Didn't Say Your Name Sista.

I think you should know that the self righteous look doesn't look good on you.

I agree, which is why I don't wear it.

you come off like you're so humble and blessed to be liked by so many other bloggers on blogger but let's be real, its a act. nobody can be that happy about anything. especially people you don't know.

I guess you have yet to experience complete fulfillment from.. anything! because I am beyond blessed and humbled by every last person that takes the time to read and comment my posts. I don't know these people? I know they're minds and hearts. if that's not knowing someone then I don't know myself.

some of your material isn't half bad but then you write stuff that is just out in left field and nobody understands it. you're trying too hard to be deep and its a complete fail!

how can expressing myself be a failure? you didn't consider yourself failing when you felt the need to express your opinion, and I don't consider you having failed by not getting under my skin because you were searching for a reaction and I'm sure when you read this post you will have your own (:

"its all love Beautiful. I appreciate you telling me how you feel about my written works. while I don't agree with all you have said or even liked some of it, I respect it. a individual is nothing without individual thoughts. Blessings."

pennanddpaperr.

Don't Be A Nigger Ignorant .

A black person isn't just a 'nigga' and a white person isn't just a 'cracker' these days. There are positive and negative points to being any race and many different kinds of people that take on their own living version of each. While some exercise the 'good' qualities there are those that do other things...


1. There you are in the store, looking through racks of clothes or price checking groceries when little Keisha or Donte is running all around the store. Instead of stopping what you are doing, remaining civilized, and going to collect your obvious bebe kid, "KEISHA/DONTE!!! GET BACK OVER HERE!!!"


Don't do that!


2. You walk out looking like its laundry day, you're not done taking your braids out, and you wasn't planning on being out this long when someone well put together walks into wherever you are. You look them up and down, pick apart their appearance, and finally decide that what they have on would look better on you and "they ain't all that."


Don't do that!


3. You're walking around wearing brand names from head to toe, nails done, hair freshly cut, 'drippin' in cubic zirconias, pushing a nice whip, and swiping your EBT card like its a black card.


Don't do that!


4. Shirt, belt, shoes, jewelry, purse, highlights/streaks, nails: same color.


Don't do that!


5. Calling any woman or man a bitch or nigga.


Don't do that!


6. Going to community college for the financial aid check, claiming you're 'crazy' to receive SSI, or simply scheming to get ahead.


Don't do that!


7. That's yo 'nigga' or 'main bitch' but as soon as they're outta earshot you're telling something they told you, spreading gossip about them, quick to say yall ain't cool 'like dat', or plotting to get what they have.


Don't do that!


8. Walking out the house wearing tight fitting-damn near too small clothes, showing all your goodies and get offended when a man hits on you, says some slick shit, or simply looks at you the wrong way. If you don't want the attention, next time wear something You Know won't bring any unwanted.


Don't do that!


9. Failing African American Studies...


Don't do that!


10. Your hair is done , your child's isn't. You're well put together , your child isn't. You're wearing a jacket in cold weather , your child isn't.


Don't do that!


11. Going to church, recovery meetings, probation/parole offices, or the mall to meet a man/woman.


Don't do that!


12. Yelling across/down the street or out the windows of cars "yee!" Or "Ay baby!"


Don't do that!


13. Baggy jeans, grill in your mouth, hat low, using hands as a belt, singing off key out loud walking down the street, in front of the store, or where people have to walk.


Don't do that!


14. Cussing at your children in public and period. They're humans and need to be taught by example. they're capable of understanding and respecting verbal communication as well.


Don't do that!

15. You brought a child into the world by another troubled indivual adding to the pollution of lungs and lives and expect to be taken care of because of it, you are a African American male who lives life hindered by some self imposed slavery that you read in a book, or you rather kick it with ya 'bitches/niggas' smoking, drinking, and increase your chances of going to jail or pregnant than get a real job, expecting something for nothing.

Don't do that!


There's probably a few other things that bother each of us as African Americans but I'm hoping some of us are aware of the fuckery and will stop it on our own. Sometimes a person just needs to hear it from someone else, so let Gwen have been the first to have told you :)

*feel free to quit following me now*

pennanddpaperr.

Im Contemplating ...

making a facebook .

yes ? no ?

yea, i know im hella late but i usually dont go along with crowds on crap like this. i mean really. social networking sites are only popular for so long before something new comes out and bam! there you are. eagarly giving all your information up to get your brand spanking new account and meet the world AGAIN ! ... damn. maybe i just answered my own question "no gwen. you should not make a facebook."

*whines* "but MySpace is boring now!"

2009 farewell MySpace . 2010 ello' facebook ?

pennanddpaperr.