Think about it...

Organized lies out plays unorganized truths.

Thats why the government is gettin over on u

gwen.

The Title .

eight people in the living room - myself , two brothers , and five of their friends, chilling. MTV Jams pounding out of the flat screen, Jay-Z's - On To The Next One going off and Wayne's - A Milli coming on.

Steven "Man I'm glad that nigga Wayne going to jail. give somebody else a chance to shine. Jay need to bring his old ass back and take the title." the rest of the idiots "Hell yea, man."

*Gwen ponders* "Technically Wayne ain't going nowhere. that nigga has so much music he's been working on that hes going to be another Pac. Niggas is going to claim he ain't in jail because he's going to be dropping videos and singles regularly. his team is going to space out what ever music he has over a period of a time to keep him relevant."

Marcus "that may be true but with Jay in the lab and Wayne in prison, Wayne wont be able to touch Jay."

sarcasm ----> "you're right! and it takes Wayne being in jail for Jay to even deliver like he might." -_-

Steven "Why you hating Gwen? Jay last album was slapping! better than that Wayne shit."

"uhmmm, Steven my dear. i think Jay said it best. *puts on Locs and brothers black cap and impersonates Jay* "men lie, women lie, numbers don't." apparently the WORLD disagrees that Wayne's album wasn't exactly 'shit."

*the idiots laugh uncomfortably* Calvin "she got you there Steve."

"I'm not saying Wayne is "The Best Rapper Alive" but hes doing what it takes to steady attract fans, sell albums, drop mix tapes, and keep himself popular. Jay although seasoned in the game only comes back when he feels he has something to say, D.O.A. , and personally that was just to talk shit. *even though he claims it was no disrespect. uhm sure 'Hov -_- *

Marcus "that's because he tight like that. he can come back and say what he wants because niggas respect him. even Wayne said that Jay is his favorite rapper so now what? not only that but Jay aint trying to go with the trends like Wayne. first that nigga wanted to be a gangsta now this nigga looking like a tatted up Lupe Fiasco."

"we aint even talking about that shit Marcus. we're talking in comparison. sure Wayne said that, but at the same time he ain't trying to be that nigga either. if you go back and listen to ole skoo Jay he was on the same hype about 'cooking that shit up' and 'the hood' but he aint talking about it anymore! he over here calling himself God, talking about his money and Oprah and Obama. people change and adapt, its how you keep it flowing. but point blank all I'm saying is you fools are saying that Jay is going to step up and just be out there but the question is, why couldn't he have did that when Wayne wasn't in jail? Wayne sure as hell didn't go anywhere when Jay came with The Blueprint III. he went toe to toe with his 'favorite rapper. if he cant stand competition then he should've stayed in retirement."

Idk what ya'll think? This was just my argument with these busters ! *cheeeeeese !*

p.s

ANOTHER post coming later ... lol

pennanddpaperr.

Them Pregnancy Pains Is No Joke !

walking down the aisle looking for a ProMax protein bar and sipping on my Fiji water, there she was. on the floor, sprawled out, tears gushing from her red eyes, and toddler teeth exposed from her wide drooling mouth, screaming and crying.

*stops abruptly, stutter stepping looking around from shock*

right in the middle of aisle 7 organics at Raley's just there on the floor showing out while her mother, Caucasian, *no offense jstar, you know you my girl !* obviously hasn't gave this fuckery a second thought, bending over further investigating the nutritional content of some couscous.

"Elaina get up honey. If you don't get up we wont go to Toys r' us."

*looks from the little girl to the mother like 'are you serious?!' *you know that look where you have to jerk your head back ANNND look to the side because its just THAT schocking*

little child from the corn is ignoring the hell out of *Becky* and steady shouting and screaming. just rolling all over the place and after trying to blink this awful reality away i realize right in the front of my ProMax protein bars. great. -_-

*clears throat*

*Becky* looks up and smiles. soOoOo i see your not embarrassed your kid is over here looking like shes practicing the fire drill, alriiight.

"Elaina get up. the nice lady wants to get over there."

does the spawn of Satan stop? she looks from her mom to me and had the nerve to roll her puffy blue eyes! and continue on with her shenanigans.

*Shanaynay "oh my goooodness?!"*

"Oh ! shes so impossible sometime" *Becky* smiles and reaches across and passes me the bar i wanted. i say 'thank you' and immediately turn around and get the hell up outta there.

i love kids and i want kids but I WILL take my kids up outta this world ! if they pulled some shit like that in the store ! i ain't going to be beating my children but there is nothing nobody will be able to tell me if my child is acting out of line and they need to be popped back into place. not to mention all them hours ima be in a room with people i don't know all down, in between, and up in my business telling me to push a watermelon out of something lemon size.

so sure we can do the *Becky* - talk first, but please believe if he or she try playing me like they been living on this earth longer than me, them momma pains ain't going to be a joke !

pennanddpaperr.

I'm Aware I'm Not Ugly . *no cockiness intended*

When did what I look like matter so much it became the reason why nothing bad should ever occur in my life?

Being pretty doesn't stop a man from cheating. Being pretty doesn't get you good grades. Being pretty doesn't console your heart after a breakup. Being pretty doesn't make people take you serious. Being pretty does not exempt you from the lack of well thought out waste of words that spill from useless life forms.

Guys. I praise the ones that have genuine interest and purpose -pause-

I am very aware you good ones do exist. You are the beautiful creatures I write uplifting posts about. But I wish you would quit hiding under rocks in caves in New Zealand !

-play- But I could super kick through a wall! the ones that feel as though by complimenting me on my looks you are scoring major points.

NOT !

If I was the type to eat that superficial shit up, you would only be gassing my head. Not getting any closer to me. You would further be proving why I didn't need what's his name and why I don't need you. Goodbye!

Really, would it kill you to turn off your automatic asshole switch and try for once looking past the exterior and saying something meaningful?

How are you ?

How has your day been ?

Care to talk about what's bothering you ?

Age , location , ARE YOU IN SCHOOL ?

But NoOoOoOo ! you get :

"Your too pretty to put up with ____''

"As pretty as you are, ______''

"Nobody as beautiful as you, _____"

Blah blah blah STFU !

I'm not looking for a b o y to validate me. I'm waiting for a man that can see past what any common person sees and care enough to get to know ME. A beautiful mind. ♥

pennanddpaperr.

Empire State Of Mind .

New York.

A fascination I have grown with. Have you ever had the feeling of not belonging? Like you weren't meant to live where you're at? For example, you're a city girl at heart, you enjoy every moment you get to venture into the center of all the action and excitement. Yet, you're trapped within the confines of your country-ass hometown.Yes, this is how I feel.And I mean I've felt this way since like uh... forever.

New York, I believe I was meant to be there. Live there. Breathe there. I don't know, I suppose Vacaville, just isn't my calling. The city is growing, but it can never compare to the legend of NYC.

Its a passion that I intend to explore further.

pennanddpaperr.

Is This What Our Ancestors Was Fighting For ?

I'm sick of being praised for my light skin. The obvious lack of pigmentation that somehow makes me automatically cuter, better, and more socially acceptable. Being embraced for being a mixed race when I could really care less. No thoughts on my face being wide and round or my nose looking spread. They see the shine that the sun illuminates and equate it to beauty.

So many genuine yet ignorant compliments that makes a smile appear and a 'thank you' escape while someone darker than I am, more beautiful, barely gets a second look. I think although the African American race is the most beautiful race to be, its important meaning is lost within "society's acceptance." We are more than shades. We are a history. We are a struggle to be accepted by those that in a time didn't care how dark or light we were but classified us all the same.

We walk around with chips on our shoulders for the past life most of us never lived. knowing nothing of the history, only the images and mad , why?

slavery kept us more united than WE can with freedom.

pennanddpaperr.

1 Peter 5:6

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you..

As much as I love to blog , I only do it because I don't have a life . Because I don't have any friends . Because I don't have the excitement or lifestyle I can only dream of and crave night and day for... This isn't depression or a cry out for help . This is me being real and telling it JUST like it is .

You ride solo because in this world you are proven by unworthy people that you cannot trust , you cannot believe, you cannot share too much . It becomes your motto , the words in which you live by and before you know it you're alone . Living the true definition of independent ...

I once was popular . I was 'her'. I lived the life that put me on a pedastal and introduced me to a lifestyle that most praised me and hated me for at the same time . I was your friend, someone that you said hi to just to say you've associated with, or you hated me . I was happy . Content for the most part . Felt no need to change any of this but inside I was slowly being swallowed up by a image that I was uncertain I wanted to live by any longer .



So I did what I had to . Exposed the fake around me and quit letting peoples expectations rule me . I was now on MY path and I was prepared to hand pick my friends so you wouldn't catch me around bad company disrupting my good moral's unless it was by choice . Deep down I was more than this person so many people thought . I had passion , purpose , a voice that needed to be heard . I didn't need a crowd to tell me who I was or recognize me . I was prepared to be who I was and stand with who had proven themselves loyal .

They say your lucky if you find atleast one good friend . That will be there through it all . And while I sometimes tire of the companionship of books , exhausting workouts , time consuming all night study sessions , and everyday routine of the workplace i know educating myself , depending on myself , and being able to really trust someone , even if its only one is a blessing . Stands taller and stronger than hitting the clubs every night , gossiping and backstabbing , and degrading myself for a little worthless male attention .

When I long to be any place but here , to have more than what and who I have , I have to humble myself . I am at a young age and can see the bigger picture already . So many just sit idle and expect the world to give them something they feel they're entitled to and I was once ignorant of this . But sometimes growing up isn't enough . You have to be an adult .

So thank you Lord for giving me what in the begining of my rant seemed like nothing . For without you guiding my way I would know the true meaning of that word .


pennanddpaperr.

A.D 2000 Till When ...

We litter, we don't eat right, we curse at each other, we think negative of each other, we wish bad things on one another, we envy each other, and we hate our own blood. Plus we don't refer or even look at the person no matter the skin color as a Brother or Sister. Last time I checked we were all Human's and reflections of the Most High. That's why you are seeing Tornadoes in California, Earthquakes in Haiti, Tsunami's, and Fire Destroy Numerous Places. They dump oil in the ocean, and kill our own ecosystem, our own wildlife... while our plants, animals, and people are dying nationwide from pollution. why aren't we doing anything to stop it??? Mother Nature will have a field day unless we make the decision to finally wake up and do something about it ..Sigh.. I can hear the pain, concern, and hope in my sistah Erykah Badu's voice echoing in my head from AD 2000 off of her Mama's Gun Album asking us..."will we ever make it"...

pennanddpaperr.

I'm Just Saying .

I have reached the conclusion, and this is final, that I would rather have a big ass than a flat stomach. I mean let's be real when has a flat stomach ever come in handy in the bedroom? sure it looks good but can you hold on to it and smack it? <--- that doesnt sound sexy to have happen to your stomach.

*kicks up feet in La-Z-Boy and sips her slurpee*

I'm not saying catch a severe case of i-don't-give-a-fuck-about-cardio-and-crunches but I wouldn't be in the gym killing myself to look like these video 'model's? most of the shit is edited and airbrushed anyway.

-pause- where the hell do they find these chicks though?! I mean I have never walked down the street and saw a chick walking around with a body like any of them skeezers on tv. you? -play-

take me for instance. I like to think I have a nice little shape. Nice size chest, boarder line thick thighs, round ass-ets, and a four pack stomach. you knooow, flat but with a little pooch at the bottom... lol

imaginary voices of women in agreement "Hmm mm !"

That's good enough for me and apparently for all the guys *no cockiness intended* that hit on me and would "love to wife me." YUCK !

*leans forward on her elbow and puts on some attitude*

In this world only two things matter to the average man. How you look with it on and what you can do when it comes off. intelligence, independence and yada yada yada to those who arent just tryna bust a nut. small percentage. But hey, even complete air heads get banged so what does that say? Not to mention even the most unappealing people get it in.

While you can get rid of a lil excess baggage in your tummy area you can't grow ass. Don't try that getting it hit from the back bullshit either because its a temporary fix. NOT my personal experience but a friends and hers came and went. You either have it or you don't. You can firm it, plump it, work it out, and lose it but can you grow it?

*leans back, sips on slurpee, and gets a brain freeze. looks up while holding head and squinting*

but don't get me wrong, nobody never said you cant have both .

pennanddpaperr.

He's Stupid and You're Dumb .

It kills me when women get with a guy with intentions of changing him. I mean really, what the hell is that?! You fall for him knowing what the shit is before hand: he was with somebody, showed some interest in you, talked big shit and made his original chick seem like nothing more than a jump off, ends up spending more time with you but she keeps popping up because SHE can't get over him? Uhm WRONG ! I want to just shake the hell out of these females, rewind the production of this so called relationship, and pin point every time she should have kicked gravel and traveled.

They must have never been told, so I will do it : You can NOT change people ! If they don't want to change there is nothing you can do to make them. You can love them all you want, give them whatever they want, and run whatever 'game' you think you are running but the shit won't change. AND don't even begin to think because you read it in a urban novel the power of pussy is going to get you anywhere. When you lay down together the shit is bueno but when you get up he's the same little boy that just sweated out your weave, fucked up your sheets, and leaving pleased.

POW ! You - 0 , Him - 1

Don't say 'I'm through !' either. To turn right around and take him back when he comes with apologies, tired ass excuses, and a whole bunch of bullshit act right that never lasts. I know bitches can really be on some foul shit and you can't always trust them but if her story sounds far fetched and his story too innocent, somewhere in the middle lies the truth.

So go ahead and cry girl. Hate him and her for as long as it takes and blame yourself while at it because in the end you will have learned, you can't change people.

pennanddpaperr.

Did You ?

if you watch Teen Mom, like i do religiously, you would have seen the finale tonight when Tylor took Catelynn out to lunch and proposed to her... *awwww*

can i get one of these please?!

*big smile with hands clapsed, i promise ill be good !*

minus the baby and adoption delima .

i am SO ready for the Teen Mom reunion and the NEW season of 16 and Pregnant !!
*jumps up and down in her Ni Hao, Kai-lan feetie jammies*

DONT JUDGE ME . shes the ish !

pennanddpaperr.

iCrush .

on this man right here . yep . its been going on for quite some time and has yet to waver . while all the Bow Wow and Trey Songz fever is still going strong so is mine for F A B . weather its the fact he has yet to fix his chipped tooth or his laid back, type chill demeanor in addition to his undeniable flow hes made a fan out of me and been my choice for "Who Id Date If I Was In The Industry." hey a girl can dream . ♥

pennanddpaperr.

We The Best . ?

Am I the only one that can see pass his 'let's bring everybody together' act and see what Dj Khaled is really doing?

My point of view:

Dj Khaled got cool with all the black people in the industry and put them on one track. Extorting their talents while our black people are okay with the arrangement because its paying and what's going to sell records.

He says the same things every song yet the less, and gets the same amount of recognition, sometimes more. Some would argue and say well he's a dj. That's what he's suppose to do. And hey, point made but how much significance should a person hold for knowing who's hot in the industry and putting them on a track? Anybody that knows music can slap DJ in front of their name and do the same thing.

But now that i think about it, can i really be mad at him or should i be mad at my own people for not being able to come together on their own.

pennanddpaperr.

I Did It !

i went ahead and made a facebook. *applause rings out among the crowd and gwen takes a bow* i dont feel like i was missing anything and its only been one day. *chin in hands while she taps fingers on the sides of her face* i made it last night while watching king of the hill. *perks up quickly* but the little widget you can put on your blogger ---->
is cute and makes me feel cool ! *puts on her shades and pops her polo collar up*

i guess itll be cool to have ALL my family on my page and talk to my fellow blogging pals. i always wondered how i could get in contact with you sensational people, well now i have made a way. so reach out and touch a sista sometime ! i swear all of you seem so interesting ! and im not half bad myself . lol


AND ON TO OTHER THINGS ...

was this not one of the BEST choreographed videos ever ! i love it, learned it, and whenever it comes on cant help but do the dance to it.

nothing like good music to get you grooving !

pennanddpaperr.

Im Contemplating ...

making a facebook .

yes ? no ?

yea, i know im hella late but i usually dont go along with crowds on crap like this. i mean really. social networking sites are only popular for so long before something new comes out and bam! there you are. eagarly giving all your information up to get your brand spanking new account and meet the world AGAIN ! ... damn. maybe i just answered my own question "no gwen. you should not make a facebook."

*whines* "but MySpace is boring now!"

2009 farewell MySpace . 2010 ello' facebook ?

pennanddpaperr.

How Convenient .

I don't know if its this new health kick - take care of my body - regularly working out - eating right - yada yada yada hype that I'm on but when I saw the commercial for the New McDonalds Mac Snack Wrap .... *blank stare, shakes head*

To me that completely defeats the purpose of a snack wrap. If your going to eat the beef from a big mac in a tortilla with lettuce and cheese why not just go to Taco Bell AND pop open a bottle of thousands island dressing and add a squirt if you just need that 'secret sauce'.

Sorry Mickey D's. I'm just not sold.

pennanddpaperr.

MTV Jams 3 Most Ridiculous Commercials .

Why Would Anyone Have To pay To Get That Kind Of Workout ? Lol.






You Lazy Brawds. Squats, Kick Backs, and Jogging. Guys Get A Touch Or Two In On The Dance Floor Before You Decide To Take Shawty Home. She Might Be A FRAUD !!!





You're Going To Love My Nuts ?! Lol.

pennanddpaperr.

The Love You Deserve .

I love when people doubt me, misread me, and disregard me as nothing more than some conceited, superficial, high maintenance chick. Why? Because the shocked looks on their faces and the loss of words is the silent victory when I lose the slang and drop the Ebonics and speak with my ever expanding vocabulary and thorough understanding of each and every sentence I form.

What people fail to realize, although I'm randomly always ranting about whatever comes to mind and known to do my share of not so smart things, I am a very intelligent, well informed, type chill person. We can shoot the breeze about anything under the sun from real world issues to caramel vs. carmel. Which is why I love Blogger !

I know a lot of you are into Facebook, Twitter, and like me MySpace but I actually prefer Blogger over any social Network. Why? Because its based on opinions, thoughts, and feelings which are more important than the same ole half naked defaults and "so cool" rhyming updates and random tweets. Its getting to know a real person through their personal expression of words and I digg that.

I LOVE ALL MY FOLLOWERS ! ♥

new and old. you guys are amazing! if any of you have been to my MySpace page you will see under who id like to meet it says all my followers on Blogger. i respect and have so much love for all of you. every last one of your creative, unique writing styles and your different and artistic opinions and outlooks. it humbles me greatly to know so many people i have never met think my writing is interesting enough to keep updated on. thank you, thank you, thank you ! i don't say it enough but I'm definitely going to start. you guys are never overlooked or disregarded around these parts. ( :

pennanddpaperr.

Online Applications .

I HATE THEM !

You apply online and NEVER get a call back.

Bring Back Paper Applications !

At least then they have to look at you and fake interest.

pennanddpaperr.

Laugh Of The Day .

All involved : Myself, my niece Simone, my buddies Josh and Chris

Simone : Somebody commented my pic and said my titties look like crabby patties !

*Josh and I look at each other and start laughing .

Chris : I don't see what's so bad about that? *he laughs a little*

*Josh and I are still laughing .

Simone : Man shut up this shit aint funny. *she cant help but laugh*

*Josh and I are STILL laughing .

Chris : I'm just trying to build you up while they laughing at you. I mean *Spongebob voice* Who doesn't love Krabby Patties ?!

*Josh and I end up up on the floor. DYING !

ahhh goodtimes. ♥

pennanddpaperr.