There was Kenny..
somehow he got hooked up with the girl I called my best friend,
That fucked with my then "man",
I was with,
steady,
for two years.
Jessica.
I still remember her red hair.
Horse teeth, body,
average.
but since she was a white girl, Outrageous.
gifted mind,
ignorant acts.
saw
The Gift in me before spoken words.
Then there was Josh..
came in swangin em'
Dimples,
Amazing.
And your voice,
Sing to my Ears,
That you love,
Release thoughts that have accumulated over the days.
And you really listen, and I really care.
Man I should've kissed u that night we sat on the couch,
Just chilling.
Damn.
victim of Love, He.
too good for many,
unappreciated by few,
still believes The One,
exists.
Met Chris..
at a park.
bricking shots.
Still claims that was a bad day.
Good day since we met each other,
and the party later was Live!
spent a whole night,
off of drink and smoke,
minds not there,
bodies in the same bed,
and didn't do nothing but.
Laugh.
Jay came around later.
a woman's dream but since I am a Goddess,
wasn't impressed.
talked about the sexes
that walk our Earth and we messed with.
dropping much needed and ignored knowledge.
hooked him up with my Best friend,
they're Solid.
treats her like a Queen,
I knew he would from the,
Beginning.
I'm friends with them.. ♥
pennanddpaperr.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Friday, April 16
Thursday, February 11
I Tell It Like It Is . I'm No Exception .
I challenged all my blogging buds to make a list of reasons why a guy or girl would NOT want to date you . Here is my list . LATE lol and uncut .
1. I don't babysit or pacifier a guy just to feed his ego or his insecurities . If you can't handle the free time you might have on your hands because I have a job and go to school you need to get more serious about your own future . When we're together I make it a point to make my feelings clear .
3. I'm not good at saying how I feel . ...thanks Shay... So if asked , " What's wrong ? " Nine times out of ten , I'll reply with " Nothing " . BUT expect for you to either figure it out on your own or badger me enough until I finally give in and tell you .
2. I'm too blunt . I say what I mean and mean what I say . Depending on the guy this can cause heated discussions, straight up arguments , or bruised egos .
3. 'I'm quite the lurker' ..thanks Stephy.. I might not do it outright but I pay close attention to the things he might do and say . I pay attention to body language as well . I don't consider it making him pay for the lasts mistakes , just being quietly cautious .
4. I get bored rather quickly . I've looked up my sign enough to confidently be able to blame it . I need more than a physical attraction . I need a conversationalist . Stimulation of mind . I can't do the beautiful airheads that aren't allowed to talk but just smile .
5. In a argument I can be quite brutal . My words can be my sharpest knife . My mind doesn't always catch up with my words fast enough and it proves to be problematic . Although they say the truth comes out when angered ... Hm.
6. When I mess up I feel as though I should be forgiven right away . While on the other hand I'll go through Q&A , silent treatment , and prolonged anger . I know its unfair but i can admit it.
6. I don't take initiative . ...thanks Shay... Meaning : If you not texting/calling me, I probably wont text/call you . Not because I dont like you but because I dont want to seem clingy .
7. I'm too independent ? I prefer to pay for everything I want and need and for who I'm with to understand my reasoning for this . If I buy it or pay for it nobody can take it away from me or in a heated argument can throw it in my face . "well you wasn't saying this when I did ___" "that's how you feel after I bought you ____". but at the same time I like to be spoiled . id rather he just not tell me about it and do it .
See, im not too bad . *smiles to herself*
pennanddpaperr.
1. I don't babysit or pacifier a guy just to feed his ego or his insecurities . If you can't handle the free time you might have on your hands because I have a job and go to school you need to get more serious about your own future . When we're together I make it a point to make my feelings clear .
3. I'm not good at saying how I feel . ...thanks Shay... So if asked , " What's wrong ? " Nine times out of ten , I'll reply with " Nothing " . BUT expect for you to either figure it out on your own or badger me enough until I finally give in and tell you .
2. I'm too blunt . I say what I mean and mean what I say . Depending on the guy this can cause heated discussions, straight up arguments , or bruised egos .
3. 'I'm quite the lurker' ..thanks Stephy.. I might not do it outright but I pay close attention to the things he might do and say . I pay attention to body language as well . I don't consider it making him pay for the lasts mistakes , just being quietly cautious .
4. I get bored rather quickly . I've looked up my sign enough to confidently be able to blame it . I need more than a physical attraction . I need a conversationalist . Stimulation of mind . I can't do the beautiful airheads that aren't allowed to talk but just smile .
5. In a argument I can be quite brutal . My words can be my sharpest knife . My mind doesn't always catch up with my words fast enough and it proves to be problematic . Although they say the truth comes out when angered ... Hm.
6. When I mess up I feel as though I should be forgiven right away . While on the other hand I'll go through Q&A , silent treatment , and prolonged anger . I know its unfair but i can admit it.
6. I don't take initiative . ...thanks Shay... Meaning : If you not texting/calling me, I probably wont text/call you . Not because I dont like you but because I dont want to seem clingy .
7. I'm too independent ? I prefer to pay for everything I want and need and for who I'm with to understand my reasoning for this . If I buy it or pay for it nobody can take it away from me or in a heated argument can throw it in my face . "well you wasn't saying this when I did ___" "that's how you feel after I bought you ____". but at the same time I like to be spoiled . id rather he just not tell me about it and do it .
See, im not too bad . *smiles to herself*
pennanddpaperr.
Monday, January 25
Not Out Of Guilt But Compassion .
You still don't understand why it was that I took off in the first place, why I had to, what it would have meant for me if i did not. You don't see ur part in all that happened, either, not at all, nor any of the reasoning or feeling that drove me to do what I did.
All you see is my fault.
That's easy, of course. It's so obvious.
Yet if I know anything, I know this, my former boyfriend: You've got to understand more than you do right now if you're ever going to get over to the other side, to the place where there is light and heat and a fresh sunrise every day. And I want that for you to.
But I can't really tell you, you know, not straight out, face-to-face, like I should. We'll fight again, and then the darkness will set in on both of us. Me, I never want to live in that place again. Instead , I'll write it to you here, for both of us. Because part of me will never truly be happy until you are again. So please listen...
I left because when the wind blew in the trees, it blew cold and rattled in my bones, and when I turned to you for warmth, I found too little. Perhaps I didn't turn the right way; maybe I should have done that differently too. But in the end, some crucial part of me went off on its own, searching, searching.......
I left beacuse when we went shopping, you never understood my style. You always had something to say. I felt like everything u wanted me to do was censored to your liking, and that is no way to live....I need to live freely.
I left because if we talked about it, you'd maintain your position stauchly and finally convince me that I was being ridiculous, vain, or selfish, or foolish, or mean, or whatever u needed to say to win the fight.
I left because there developed, without me really knowing it was happening, a kernel of resentment, alienation, and loneliness that sat inside me always as I moved through my daily life, working, talking, with people. working, and always searching, searching, in secret, for something else, some other life, some other road to a kind of happiness that I thought, perhaps, might exist for some others, wondering why that could not be me, or if--- even more terrifying---it could.
I left because when I saw two people kissing on a city street, it hurt me. Assholes, I thought. Kissing out in public like that. Why dont they get a room?
I left because I could not stay and live.
I left because I was dying. Not metaphorically. I saw myself on a train platform, one hand clutching my left arm. Or was it my right? It doesn't matter. The image haunted me persistently. Now it's gone. Today when I think about the end of my days, I see myself at the age of 90, a shriveled bean, walking on a beach somewhere. The sun is setting. I am happy and looking forward to dinner.
I left beacuse there is no other life than this one that we are given, and to live it as if it belonged to someone else, no matter how beloved, is wrong.
I left beacuse you would not change that deep part of you that none of us can change, the who of who we are, the part that dreams at night, that needs to order the world in a certain way.
I dont blame you for that. It's very hard, and part of you has to die in order for it to happen. I know you will say I never reallly gave you the chance. That may be true. It feels to me like a gave you the chance every day for a long, long time.
I left because that part of me that was unmoored was an unmanageble beast, roving like a predator through the world, hunting for something to feed itself. I could never understand it.
Now I know what it was. It was my heart.
I left beacuse I was faithful to you and it did not feed that thing that was inside me until it would not be satisfied with anything but true love.
and yes, I left you beacuse my whole, hungry heart was unavailable when the right person came along, and I found that person who saw me not as a girlfriend to be managed but as a woman, not even as a woman,no, but as a wondrous being of infinite interest and worth, who liked the way my skin felt when he touched it. He touched it absently, without knowing he was doing so, with the tip of his finger on the back of my arm, not for any purpose except that something inside of him felt good when he did so, and something about that moved me so much that I literally felt the disconected, roving, ravening thing inside me turn over on its back and, for the first time, meld into the rest of me.
I left because you didnt really love me. No, no. Not really. I know that now. And thats all right.
But not really.
I didn't do it well, I know. I didn't leave the way one is supposed to to, by talking things out and fighting fights that should perhaps been fought long ago, or rekindling that which should have beenunkindled, or fessing up, or leaving everybody their dignity. I lied. I went behind ur back. I held myself apart and pursued my own destiny, as I had been doing for a long time. Couldn't u see that?
And so now I will say what I have to say once more, not for the last time: I'm sorry. I wish a lot of things. But I dont and I can't unwish my happiness-no, maybe not that; I can't unwish my chance at happiness, at life, at a true life where no part of me is left to wander and wonder and crave some mysterious thing it does not have.
I left beacuse I had to. And now? Now you must leave me. Not in hate, not in anger, not even in regret. Leave me for the life you should be living, with somebody whose heart u wholly own and who owns yours. Maybe then you and I can reclaim our memories. We have, after all, so many. And in spite of why i left, and all I left, they remain sweet to me.
Those I will never leave behind. ♥
All you see is my fault.
That's easy, of course. It's so obvious.
Yet if I know anything, I know this, my former boyfriend: You've got to understand more than you do right now if you're ever going to get over to the other side, to the place where there is light and heat and a fresh sunrise every day. And I want that for you to.
But I can't really tell you, you know, not straight out, face-to-face, like I should. We'll fight again, and then the darkness will set in on both of us. Me, I never want to live in that place again. Instead , I'll write it to you here, for both of us. Because part of me will never truly be happy until you are again. So please listen...
I left because when the wind blew in the trees, it blew cold and rattled in my bones, and when I turned to you for warmth, I found too little. Perhaps I didn't turn the right way; maybe I should have done that differently too. But in the end, some crucial part of me went off on its own, searching, searching.......
I left beacuse when we went shopping, you never understood my style. You always had something to say. I felt like everything u wanted me to do was censored to your liking, and that is no way to live....I need to live freely.
I left because if we talked about it, you'd maintain your position stauchly and finally convince me that I was being ridiculous, vain, or selfish, or foolish, or mean, or whatever u needed to say to win the fight.
I left because there developed, without me really knowing it was happening, a kernel of resentment, alienation, and loneliness that sat inside me always as I moved through my daily life, working, talking, with people. working, and always searching, searching, in secret, for something else, some other life, some other road to a kind of happiness that I thought, perhaps, might exist for some others, wondering why that could not be me, or if--- even more terrifying---it could.
I left because when I saw two people kissing on a city street, it hurt me. Assholes, I thought. Kissing out in public like that. Why dont they get a room?
I left because I could not stay and live.
I left because I was dying. Not metaphorically. I saw myself on a train platform, one hand clutching my left arm. Or was it my right? It doesn't matter. The image haunted me persistently. Now it's gone. Today when I think about the end of my days, I see myself at the age of 90, a shriveled bean, walking on a beach somewhere. The sun is setting. I am happy and looking forward to dinner.
I left beacuse there is no other life than this one that we are given, and to live it as if it belonged to someone else, no matter how beloved, is wrong.
I left beacuse you would not change that deep part of you that none of us can change, the who of who we are, the part that dreams at night, that needs to order the world in a certain way.
I dont blame you for that. It's very hard, and part of you has to die in order for it to happen. I know you will say I never reallly gave you the chance. That may be true. It feels to me like a gave you the chance every day for a long, long time.
I left because that part of me that was unmoored was an unmanageble beast, roving like a predator through the world, hunting for something to feed itself. I could never understand it.
Now I know what it was. It was my heart.
I left beacuse I was faithful to you and it did not feed that thing that was inside me until it would not be satisfied with anything but true love.
and yes, I left you beacuse my whole, hungry heart was unavailable when the right person came along, and I found that person who saw me not as a girlfriend to be managed but as a woman, not even as a woman,no, but as a wondrous being of infinite interest and worth, who liked the way my skin felt when he touched it. He touched it absently, without knowing he was doing so, with the tip of his finger on the back of my arm, not for any purpose except that something inside of him felt good when he did so, and something about that moved me so much that I literally felt the disconected, roving, ravening thing inside me turn over on its back and, for the first time, meld into the rest of me.
I left because you didnt really love me. No, no. Not really. I know that now. And thats all right.
But not really.
I didn't do it well, I know. I didn't leave the way one is supposed to to, by talking things out and fighting fights that should perhaps been fought long ago, or rekindling that which should have beenunkindled, or fessing up, or leaving everybody their dignity. I lied. I went behind ur back. I held myself apart and pursued my own destiny, as I had been doing for a long time. Couldn't u see that?
And so now I will say what I have to say once more, not for the last time: I'm sorry. I wish a lot of things. But I dont and I can't unwish my happiness-no, maybe not that; I can't unwish my chance at happiness, at life, at a true life where no part of me is left to wander and wonder and crave some mysterious thing it does not have.
I left beacuse I had to. And now? Now you must leave me. Not in hate, not in anger, not even in regret. Leave me for the life you should be living, with somebody whose heart u wholly own and who owns yours. Maybe then you and I can reclaim our memories. We have, after all, so many. And in spite of why i left, and all I left, they remain sweet to me.
Those I will never leave behind. ♥
pennanddpaperr.
Sunday, January 3
Moment Of Weakness .
It never really bothered me. Being alone. This single thing. Take your pick. But on this particular night while all my friends are cuddled up, out on dates, or simply getting their fuck on here I am. Alone in bed watching countless episodes of Sex and The City and eating cupcakes. Sounds more like figure suicide. Yea, just prepare the unfashionable white straight jacket and matching padded room. "she's a live one!"There they are on my flat screen. Living these amazing lives in the fast paced city of tall buildings and endless possibilities. Wearing great fashions and dating the kind of men I have yet to find ! ♥Aidan
*sigh.
Okay Gwen get it the hell together! Snap the flip out of it! Your coming unhinged! Its not a curse to be alone... More of a relationship vacation ! *straightens posture and smiles
Who am i kidding?! *slumps It's been a year and 4 months. *grabs a cupcake and takes a bite
One IS the loneliest number.
pennanddpaperr.
Saturday, January 2
Looks Good .
Keep your Jayonce's and Amber Rose-Kanye West's...
PRESENTING !!
Hank Baskett and Kendra Wilkinson .
*NFL Indianapolis Colts, Girls Next Door
" I'll take one please, thanks ! "
♥
pennanddpaperr.
Wednesday, December 30
Leave But Dont Take My Heart .
What is it about a breakup that makes the person you stopped caring for or felt you needed space from suddenly more desirable than ever? Is it the fact you no longer hold their world in your hands that reintroduces your brain to the thrill of a chase yet again? Or is it that by breaking all ties you're suddenly stronger and have a better protective shield when it comes to their 'super love'? I'm not one to walk away easily, in fact I'm more than likely the one standing there alone in the end, but as time wears on even when compared to pain and hatred, love still outweighs it all. so are we unintelligent daredevils that enjoy the emotional rush of ups and downs that come with relationships or are we all, no matter what we say, still holding out for that ONE that we always saw potential in to see the potential in us.pennanddpaperr.
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Thanks Don; ♥
