have you ever felt like no matter what you did it was never good enough. like no matter what you said it was never going to be the right words. no matter how many heartfelt apologies were spoken, people were always going to hold the things you wish you could just erase against you. its like no matter where you go you are always going to be this awful person. this outsider that is not safe around emotions and hearts. this possible human that might make some mistakes. i mean haven't we all made some ? haven't we all wanted to go back just one second where you stopped yourself from putting that drink to your lips and drinking that one sip too many or spoke too soon before speaking or even before saying leave ! when you only want them to stay. maybe I'm just a naturally stupid person that cant do anything right, or maybe i just used up all my good choices when i was younger. idk ? but whatever the case I'm not making any progress these days. - sigh - when i don't say anything, why no words ? when i do, why so late ? I'm too honest, your mean ! not honest enough, youre a liar ! - puts face in hands - when did trying have a right and wrong time and being given a chance become the life long goal.
I'm out of answers, solutions, and optimisim..