Tuesday, October 12

it's been a long time, i shouldn't have left you. .

w/ out some new Gwen to read (:


Tuesday, September 28

Happy One Year Anniversary!!

one year today i made my first blog entry :)

and one year today i am making my last.

Wednesday, September 8

I Miss When Life Was Easy..

most would say life was never easy for them and go on this long rampage about why they've had a more screwed up life than you. *still trying to figure out why that would even be a topic of discussion.* but there are also those people who don't take it out on the world and remain holding on knowing it's just part of life and growing up. knowing falling is not a option..

I have yet to free fall but I will say this:

life was definitely better when I was younger.

people today are quick to say if I had more money this and this but lets be real. we all know mo' money mo' problems. I say life was better when younger because I always had the time, I always had the energy, I always had the desire, friends were plentiful, laughs were generous, and the closest people around you remained the closest people. your job was to brighten others day, no mistakes were uncorrectable, and second chances felt like second chances. Love... well love was just love then.

[*insert good closing line here*]


Wednesday, September 1

This Should Help .

I downloaded a new notepad app. #TeamAndroid

My phone is always in my hand so why not what I need to write my usual posts as well.

*fingers crossed*


Thursday, August 26

I don't Expect You To Understand Why.

I stopped blogging because... the originality in blogging is dying.

I stopped blogging because... when I received comments it was full of hate and criticism. People set on dousing the fire that once burned.

I stopped blogging because... it was no longer about vibin with someone harmoniously through experience/opinion. It became another form of publicity and news feed for celebs, popular writing styles, and uncreative unison.

I stopped blogging because.... when I would sit at the computer, nothing would come.

I stopped blogging because... when nothing came, I felt empty. Hallow. Dry. Barren.

I stopped blogging because... of Twitter. How convenient it is to just say what I need to in that moment, less than 140 characters, and have no one look for a explanation just the cont. if it doesn't all fit.

I stopped writing because... life became repetitive. nothing new and no new feelings to explore or attempt to purge myself of. No new lessons learned due to my mental being far away from my physical. I was going through life unaware so what was there to notice?

I stopped writing because... when given the opportunity to write they wanted to change all that was Gwen, written, compromise my voice for a chance at helping create a image.

I stopped writing because... after awhile my writing wasn't helping ME.

I stopped writing because... I couldnt put into words any of what I was feeling.


Tuesday, August 17

I promise..

to blog again.. one day.


Monday, August 2

Nothing Is Ever What It Seems.

that Love that you had felt so deep down causing your body to convulse outward, made you smile from a moments reminisce, made you quick to defend it at any cost..




relationships ending before they're even beginning, destiny already existing up ahead. society laying the foundation for morals, respect, and honesty's death..

lately nobody is making it.

beautiful faces with hearts of erasers. never planned on keeping you...


Summer flowers with aroma's intoxicating but with annoying bugs that flew out its petals..


Sunday, July 25

Just For Today

I will live through the next 12 hours and try not to tackle all of life's problems at once.

I will improve my mind, I will learn something that requires effort and concentration.

I will be agreeable. I will look my best, speak in a well modulated voice, and be courteous and considerate.

I will not find fault with a friend, relative or colleague. I will not try to change or improve anyone but myself.

I will have a programme. I might not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two enemies:
hurry and indecision.

I will do a good turn and keep it a secret. If anyone finds out, it will not count.

I will do two things I don't want to do, just for the exercise.

I will believe in myself. I will give my best to the world and feel confident that the world will give it's best to me.

and tomorrow, I will do the same :)


Thursday, July 15

To The Man That Just observes..

You are very mysterious man. You look but you don't speak. You undress me with your eyes but you never say a word.

Are you afraid?

Do I intimidate you?

What is it?

You never know, you may be missing out on the chance to be with a real woman. A woman that would love you, hold you and do anything to your body that you want her to. A woman that will cook for you, clean for you.. A woman that will do things for you that most women are ashamed to talk about.

You never know and you never will if you don't approach me.

You have to know that I am watching you watch me so that should tell you that I am interested.

I have not made a move because that is not what I do. I don't hunt, I am hunted.

So, mysterious man show me what you are made of and you won't have to watch me any more.


Sunday, July 4

The Question Is, Why Dont You?

Perhaps its because when I was in psychology class and the teacher asked what makes your brain tick and I replied hands. The reply stirred every ones brains. Massaging and awakening the senses to poetic and deeper meaning. Thoughts normal minds couldn't create or picture if it weren't for a hazy muse..

Likely my reasoning was altered when he threw me to the bowels of pain and took the pieces of my heart with him. Slow songs didn't bother me and "Our" songs became just mine again. The original CD player spinning One album at a time and I was content with just my mix playing..

Maybe its because when E. Badu told me to Bump It and I turned the volume up to 45 I felt my voice singing her words, my movements enticing the crowd, my actions interacting with my fans, my heart beating with the sound. In that moment I was unknown mainstream and the feeling felt great even alone..

Of course it could be because the night we got lost in a city we knew, I didn't mind. Going in circles, enter twining brain waves, and matching laughter took the hands of clocks and we rode in our own timeless moments. None of it intentional just how green sixtuplets made siblings out of us..

Perchance its how I, Lucky, Captain Crunch, Tony The Tiger, Trix, Snap, Crackle, and Pop all become best friends. Milk being the drug of our choice and it heavenly filled our bowls. Our bond was hunger and were out to get full together..

Possibly it was when those lips touched my lips and caused my hips to dip and contract my back in tension that felt so electric I felt a explosion in my loins. Causing breathlessness like a compound sentence with no comma, seemingly endless no period..

what can i say?

it just feels good to Fade.


Thursday, July 1

Coming Soon...!!!

Why I Smoke Marijuana ^__^

*stay tuned.*

Saturday, June 26

Top Charted.

if you were a song
your melody would entice
the ears
flirt with the soul
and captivate the heart
your catchy rhythm
would cause involuntary
gyrations in the pelvic region
and generate unconscious
free style rhymes
within the mind
your lyrics
would be the envy
of the craftiest poet/mc
filled with
wondrous word play
miraculous metaphors
your baseline
would throb, pulsate
forcefully throughout the body
resulting in an irresistible urge
to jump up and get on down
everyone would
demand to get an hour
minute, second
of your phenomenal sound
good thing you're not
because then
I couldn't keep you
all to myself


Saturday, June 19

in my attempt to express myself, i hope i dont lose you..

i await the day Jah washes, burns, whisks us, all away.
i sure could use a change of body,
inhabiting a place beyond my wildest dreams,
my biggest nightmares fear..
a place I'm level on sinking sand..
reacquainting myself with Ptah, the true friend.
no questions.
no actions.
no consequences.
no reactions.
we, I, incapable of acting.
id happily give up this skin, bright..
i love in darkness.
Yashua taught We to be happy with what was bestowed,
i am.
willingly laying it down gently for something bigger than me.


Sunday, June 13

Think about it...

Organized lies out plays unorganized truths.
Thats why the government is gettin over on u

Saturday, June 12

Mountain Lily .

It is said that the most beautiful of flowers
are to be found on the highest mountain
tops and nestled in the most secluded valleys,
Like the ghetto queens that float gracefully
among the debris of shattered dreams,
hidden in the rankness of grime filled alleys.

These wild orchids and delicate lilys
continue to bud though no one is there to
behold their beauty or see it glisten,
Just as I continue to write my story shine
my light, compelled to tell my tale even in
the absence of someone to listen.

Determined resillience is balanced by a
fragile beauty and held in the perfection of
these sculptures of nature, unintentional
works of art,
Like the fire that blazes behind eyes set in
a tranquil face, the random combination of
a tortured soul mated with a peaceful

I am a mountain lily, born in the solitude of
ice-capped peaks, nurtured by the rain and
raised by the gentle breeze of life,
A flower capable of being destroyed by a
human hand, yet strong enough to endure
the elements and survive the harrowing
storms of my strife.

To find me, you must climb the treacherous
slopes of my defensiveness and search the
valleys of my being to uncover my spirit,
Which is carefully concealed and is the
map that will lead you to the highest peak
of my soul the place where my core is hid.

And on that sacred ground, you will find a
deeply rooted treasure a beauty that is
eternally pure and infinitely true.
You will have found the Mountain Lily,
have earned the honour of witnessing her
bud, and she will be content to bloom for
only you.


Tuesday, June 1

Black And Intelligent .

Being black and being intelligent can be deadly
Not physically but emotionally.

Often times I feel like I have to dumb myself down in order to keep from seeming stuck up or a MS. KNOW IT ALL. I often see my black brothers and sister who end up never amounting to
anything, and that's not where I want to be.

I am a young black girl who is happy being her. Happy being educated. Happy knowing that with a little bit of hard work, I can achieve the most high.

My own kind looks down on me because of this.

Because I want to rise above this chaos. Because I want to have a better life. I'm already left out because I appear to be too light. But what does it matter if my skin is of a butterscotch hue? Am I less of a black person? Am I unworthy of being with my own kind? So you see, I have it the worst. Due to my skin and my well spoken intellect.

At first I wanted to hide behind my ability to shift my swagger
And blend in with the quote on quote "Black" crew.
But now I've realized that I am no better or no less worthy to call myself black.

I am no longer afraid to be intelligent. I am no longer willing to hide me true self to satisfy someone's ego. I am going to be myself. A young girl who is now able to accept the fact that she is


Monday, May 31

So Quick to Judge .

You listening to your girls talk about they life
sometimes you find yourself struggling to be nice
everything she tell you can counter your opinion
wondering how you can clear the fog with the best of intention
so quick to have the answer for it all
yet you jump when your man call
you talk about others and how they rear their children
but yours is doing lord knows what cause you ain't never with them
always speaking on what you'd do in others situations
like your wiser than the next, your life epic perfection
your read the paper and agree to cage the man
who killed a man for reasons you don't try to understand
all you see is unjustified population control
but it was the murderers paycheck the dead man stole
its okay to imprison the N****s who posts on the corners of the streets
even though he's there to make sure his kids eat
N****s judge promiscuous women quick to call them hoes
She may have been molested by some male family member she knows
you feel superior to those addicted to dope
but its okay for you to hit the weed to help you cope
so stupid is the girl who gives her money to her man
but she never had a dad to let her know for what she should not stand
we congregate to damn those in the clubs and not the pews
the questions is who needs prayer more, them or you?
you look down on those who engage in same sex love
like you walk on water and are in a place to judge
you detest those in huge homes and who's bank holds a lot
you don't give away shit, yet you on eBay trying to sell any extra you got
I know I'm talking shit, venting, trying not to hold a grudge
but it pisses me off how we're all so quick to judge.


Sunday, May 30

Mistreatment: Its Better Than Being Alone.

definitely sarcasm.

i refuse to be one of those women that makes excuses for my gf/bf when they do wrong, don't do what they say they're going to do, or whatever other situation may arise.

it is just not in my nature.

— settle for : to be content with ... BULLSHIT!? not Gwen.

sorry, no can do.

I'm not looking for anyone perfect but i definitely need 100% of them. fuck that 50% junk. you give 100 and I'll give 100 and our 200 will be the perfect start to take over, Monopoly.

until then.

you have to settle for half of me.
(probably wouldn't know what to do with all of me anyway! lol)


Thursday, May 27


*thanks Twin! he busted out his baking skills for me, lol*

that was the theme of my 19th birthday shindig last night.

like my boy @FadedFelix - negroidyouth.blogspot.com said "...i'm glad you lived 2 tell the tale lol."

*face in hands shaking head "Me TOO!" lol*

i figured after a 8 hour shift at work, passing my last two finals with A's at school, and just looking waaaay fresh, i didn't need to go home. for what? to try finding space in my closet for some new shit ima buy with all the moolah and gift cards i received and watch reruns of Sex & The City; i can do that annnnyyytime!

to my potnahs house we fled.

*names wont be mentioned to protect the innocent.*

only my major cool folks in attendance with their minds on the same ahem, festivities as myself.

major rounds, crazy toasts, and no less than a dub rolled in each blunt we played dominoes and slapped "That's My Jam!"s into the night.

i would share some of the pure comedic moments but you weren't there and probably not high so you wouldn't even get it lol.

....damn i should've took pictures!

but its cool, i got it up here. *points to noggin and smiles*


Sunday, May 23

May I Speak Freely?

I think she really dislikes me.

Not me but the things I have.

No, wait...

Yea, the things I have.

I used to think this thought was me being a complete #Spoiled #Conceited #Bitch (woah I need to stay off twitter lol) but looking at it over a lengthy span of time, I'm seeing, It is what it is and this is what it is.

She's never been ahead of me in anything. Relationships, Gear, Socially, Grades, Life period. I've endured the less pain, the less disappointment... and the rest of that shit people who've had it hard, say to somehow make anyone who hasn't been through the Exact shit feel guilty.

Having seen this #fact for awhile now, I've reached out. Tried to connect, BeClose, tiiiiiiight, folks! but who I am and who she is & steady becoming isn't meant to be, even if I wrote the story.

I love her regardless, but I refuse to forever be blamed for my proactive-ness in my life because 1) i pay for everything I have 2)have been through my share of pain but refuse to let it keep me down 3) and know my worth.♥

I hate to say it but, Get Like Me!


Saturday, May 22

The New Addition To My Body .

ya likeeeeee? :)

Randoms .

I will be 19 in four days and there is no excitement. I Am looking forward to my bestie coming down though. I'm dragging her to see the best sequel to any movie... Sex & The City 2!!! (Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, & Miranda)

I look forward to falling asleep every night so when I awake in the morning and my eyes adjust, I can look at my New tattoo! This is true love. Falling in love with the same person/thing over and over :)

The people at my job are going to start thinking I can't count. My drawer has been over twice and short twice. Wtf Gwen?! ...I'm so tired of seeing that pad with the write up slips attached =\

Lately I've been watching a lot of iCarly... ?

I met this guy that has the weirdest way of talking. No fa real. He says shit like "man that's like tieing a knot around two kangaroos" ...what does that have to do with me saying "there should be a law against a slice of cheesecake being bigger than myself"? .... Exactly!

Its been two, almost three days since I've been inked and I already know what I want my second to be. Of course it will be awhile, since iRefuse to let anybody else scrape my skin but Jeff and he's booked till August. Soo it'll be another well thought out, perfectly placed, happy ending when I finally do get countlessly poked again.

Lately, after getting high, instead of eating(LOL) I belly dance to whatever music plays on my mix Cd's. Its been working wonders for my abs. No lie.

I think I have OCD when it comes to washing my hands. I haven't reached Monk stages but Curel and myself have forged one hell of a moisturized bond.

*i only posted this because i wanted to elaborate and on Twitter I'm limited to 140 characters before i have to use Tweet Longer and have (cont) at the end of my very entertaining thoughts :)


Wednesday, May 19

When A Scorned Woman Heals .

* i just want to say that this was my attempt to Educate the mass of women that follow my blog and might just happen to stop by and read this on how not to get bitter but Better after being hurt. it is not the end of the world but a stepping stone to reaching our Greatest Potential..*

When a scorned woman heals

She looks in the mirror at beauty
She don't just give up the booty
She is more than a woman

She's a queen
She's the backbone to her race
She does everything with grace

When a scorned woman heals

She is not the skin she's in
It doesn't matter if she's plump or thin
She let's her assets shine (Skill)

She's a mother, friend, sister, or
Lover with no problem with strings
She's not caught up with little things

When a scorned woman heals

She let's her Diva status show
She is a showstopper
Turning away all the bed hoppers

She's smart and strong
She's too fierce for any man's arm
She's the power couple all on her own

When a scorned woman heals

She begins with a kneel
She worships her god
She holds her faith
Knowing the man in the black race is becoming extinct

She's let real love in
She's not judging your sin
She's loving you genuine
Pay close attention to see if your scorned woman has healed!


Tuesday, May 18

Two Fourty-Seven AM

i had a lot to say.

before my moms slow ass laptop took its time to load and i suddenly became fatigued.

i was thinking i would just spill my emotions out into this post and let the numerous eyes that read judge me for the things i would say... and then i thought me saying what i originally wanted to say out of another whirlwind of emotions would be easier in a 10 - 1, but i didnt want to speak background words that would never reach the soundtrack....

and now...


i don't even want to mention the words i wanted so badly before to say because, the subject isnt worth my time or energy. in fact as i write these words and my eyelids become heavier, i can't remember why i ever wanted to utter them.

oh wait.

because i was looking for comfort.

some divine act to make me suddenly feel better about everything and stop this rollercoaster ride, some random tweet to make me smile and never have flipped up and ran toward the keys.

guess it won't be happening tonight...


Monday, May 17

Who Am I You Say?

Who am I you say?
Oh a woman destined for success,
With Native African roots,
I'm guaranteed to flex.

Who am I you say?
Just a woman with dignity,
Who puts pride in herself,
With the utmost scrutiny.

Who am I you say?
Another independent chick,
Who has her own money,
and won't settle for a broke guy,
with a nice stick.

Who am I you say?
Someone who keeps it real,
Who won't give a damn,
about how you and your home girls feel.

Who am I you say?
A lady with integrity,
Who'll only accept the best,
To represent M*E*

...Hold on....
...........Let me flip the script..........

Who am I you say?
Maybe you shouldn't be concerned,
Is that what you lack in life
No business of your own to learn?

Who am I you say?
No, who are you?
Present me with an answer,
I waiting....
Cause as of now,
I'm through


Saturday, May 15

My Smile Is Losing Weight .

I remember the days my cheeks had stretch marks
And someone could probably count all of my teeth
But now lately my face has become droopy, sluggish,
Some say it looks I'm not getting any sleep
The gap on my face used to stretch and curve for miles
But now it's a straight line that's extremely petite
Never knew a smile could be anorexic
Maybe I should get off this stress diet and find some joys to eat.


Thursday, May 13

Time Machine .

*thanks for passing it on Keisha and Tzi. friggin love you super cool peeps!

Time Machine via http://rachelmckibbens.blogspot.com/

1. Three truths you learned by the time you were ten-years old.

2. Three beliefs you still have, despite the truth.

3. Three things that feel like heaven.

4. Three things that feel like hell.

5. Three pieces of nature that are massive.

3 Truths I learned by Age 10

* Santa Clause is ... a big fat phoney! << remember that from Family Guy?!! lol
* when you shave you cant do it dry. you NEED water and shave cream dawg.
* at this age, you WILL look back and laugh at how you dressed

3 Beliefs I Still Have, Despite the Truth

* MJ was never broke.
* you can be in a committed relationship and never cheat... -__-
* Tupac is alive!!

3 Things That Feel Like Heaven

* looking good, feeling good, sun shining, mad shit to get into... when everything is going right.
* more $$ on ya paycheck than you calculated *thumbs up*
* poetry and lyrics that speak of your past and paint your present.

3 Things That Feel Like Hell

* unaware of a blinding love until your eyes are no longer dilated...
* Heat.
* everything going wrong... luck is undiscovered.

3 Pieces of Nature That Are Massive

* Does shit count? Lol..this world is full of it.
* Giraffes.
* Green grass. But no side is greater.

Ten to one was better.


Monday, May 10

When Did Single Translate To Gay?

"oh i see. you're one of them stuck up gay females huh."

*tires screech*

the period had to be used seeing as how he wasn't asking or waiting for a answer but stating openly that he had me figured out.

you can't be serious? -_-

since i walked past you and your boys with a tight pair of distressed jeans and a off the shoulder sweater, a slight shake of my side swept bangs and a polite smile but gave no response to your unmatched oral ignorance compared to your demeanor, I'm gay.... ?



although i didn't ask, Ive wondered since this incident what would make someone say this, besides the offended ego.

most people read body language.

you're in the mall with your boys/girls, see a cutie and try to get their attention by walking by, stopping and chilling in a noticeable area, or whatever your approach is. you look in their direction in hopes they will lock eyes with yours and if they do, they will smile or wave and that's your que. maybe I'm too smart or... maybe I'm too hard... or maybe I'm just ridiculous but in no way did i give any sign of Hey! hit on Me. I want your attention.

I'm always in some way flattered to be hit on though. no cockiness intended.

its like when you're married. it feels good to know although you Should be untouchable someone out there thinks of you enough to let it be known they want you.


and i so was! when we drove in the gas station immediately i noticed him. or i should say them. standing in a group, loitering outside of the Arco. all different shades, heights, places in their lives but he stood out. i thought it was because he was one of the tallest. then i decided it was his smile.

boy what a smile!

but finally i realized it was the way he commanded the attention of his crew. all standing against the wall laughing an nodding their heads feeling the words coming out his mouth and he, with one leg on the curb just entertaining the masses. gear, smile, height, color, i liked! but me being me, as soon as i stepped out of the car...

Poker Face.

Ive been told i play hard to get but in my opinion I'm just playing the game better than them.

although no unnecessary emotion or attention was shown to any of them it didn't stop Mr. Certainty from pursuing.

the line, 6 people long waiting to be robbed by one slow cashier and what do you know he's too my left getting straight to His point "you got a man?"

woah woah woah! no hi, how are you? I'm ___ ?

*Gwen smirks and remains silent. arms slowly start to cross and a slow sigh escapes her body*

"so you not talking huh? i see. well I'm ___. wow finally! and you are damn beautiful. id like to get to know you better."

*insert cute fool flashing smile and touching Gwen's face*

*insert Gwen looking at him SO CRAZY! stepping back, cutting eyes, and him backing the hell up*

"can i get $25 on three. thank you."

*steps to the side, turns to fool, hands crossed, lips pursed, and weight shifted to one side and waits*

"wassup ma, whats with the attitude?"

*Gwen laughs to herself and realizes she has to get on fools level*

"well Pa! i was wondering when you were going to say something worth listening to. when you were going to tell me how your interested in letting me get to know you. how although you are outside hanging out with your boys during work and school hours you are doing neither but possibly doing both and this is just your day off. how besides the fact you do want a chance to get with me or know me you know how to go about it with a little more tact. i was simply wondering if you cared to know the persons name of who you are so interested in "getting to know."

*prolonged silence and fool attempts to say something*

*Gwen holds up hand*

"don't say sorry, i already know you are."

i walk out the gas station the same way i came in. grounded in my spirituality, secure in my sexuality, confident in myself personally, and comfortable and happy being single because its not some incurable disease.

"oh i see. you're one of them stuck up gay females huh."

*thinks to herself, turns around, and says with a smile*

"nahhh. I'm not stuck up but I am very happy with One woman."


Saturday, May 8

Step Outside Of Yourself.

It didn't bother me when it happened.

I wouldn't have even noticed it...

If it weren't for his black & green Nike shock jogging shoes.

They caught the suns rays and gleamed like a liquid chemical running down the street.

I remember him across the street and walking at the same pace. Maybe me a little slower than he.

I mean had to be? since he beat me to the light and across the street...

The remaining way to my destination I lagged behind.

Me being who I am and he who he was and the situation being what it was sparked this whole comparison to life and the white man. How although we have influential people of color that are recognized, being a common person myself we are steady struggling to become a mere number counted.

My brown frame simply trotting along as if I didn't have somewhere to be, a purpose, a place. Enjoying nature, a unlimited play list, and worried about my hair and clothes staying in place. He, headphones, probably playing something boring, to me, was moving fluidly. Was all about getting there and making it. Quicker than me.

He was serious.

I've listened to many African Americans complain about every race, especially white people, weather it had to do with opportunities, way of life, differences, and although at times I've had to agree, most of the time I couldn't help but be disappointed in my own people.

Just bitching.

Not being able to get a job, keep a job, advancement opportunities, simply equal opportunity.

Look at our tactics. Look at our ethics.

We don't put half as much time into our education as we do when it comes to what we're wearing when we go to get that education. We don't put half as much time into doing our jobs like we do when we're in desperate need looking for one. We don't think about saving money for a rainy day until its not just raining but pouring and you need money to just exist.

We don't think past tomorrow let alone next week.

We don't think to run instead of walk.


Sunday, May 2

I Want To Hold The World's Hand.

we walked in, both looking one and the same asking to be seated. as we shared our days events to one another i couldn't help but notice a older gentleman slowly making his way up a slightly steep hill. getting where... i still don't know but it seemed his travel had been rough to this point. he stopped his cart, full of all his worldly possessions and looked around. I'm still unaware if my eyes were penetrating his presence so deeply that he felt them too but his eyes connected to mine and it was as if he was looking through to my soul and taking all of me in.

as she continued talking, although me sitting salt & pepper shakers across from her she didn't seem to notice or maybe even cared that i wasn't a ounce intrigued in what she was saying. as long as i was breathing i was worth her own sharing. as i gazed at him he gazed back, silently sizing one another up. myself, $300 Original Burberry printed button up, $100 Guess jeans, and $300 Burberry shoes. him, no labels and yet his outfit cost more than mine did.

get it?

i finally snapped out of my gaze when i found myself wondering how he could look at me with such disgust... it started to become evident as my eyes started to uneasily wonder away from his. probably sensing his presence was being dismissed, belittled, and eventually ignored because i was just another spoiled teenager that couldn't understand let alone feel any compassion or understanding when I'm used to having "everything given", product of my environment guilty. i can't be mad at him, that's probably what the world sees...

i looked up into her MAC adorned face and caught the end of what she said "... i just don't understand people like that. all this tax money I'm paying out."

"so because you're paying taxes you feel like you're doing your part?"

"I'm just saying that extra 50 or 60 dollas they take out of my check for taxes could be a extra pair of shoes or something."

I am opposed to the system of society in which we live today, not because I lack the natural equipment to do for myself but because I am not satisfied to make myself comfortable knowing that there are thousands of my fellow men who suffer for the barest necessities of life. We were taught under the old ethic that man's business on this earth was to look out for himself. That was the ethic of the jungle; the ethic of the wild beast. Take care of yourself, no matter what may become of your fellow man. Thousands of years ago the question was asked; ''Am I my brother's keeper?'' That question has never yet been answered in a way that is satisfactory to civilized society.

Yes, I am my brother's keeper. I am under a moral obligation to him that is inspired, not by any maudlin sentimentality but by the higher duty I owe myself. What would you think me if I were capable of seating myself at a table and gorging myself with food and saw about me the children of my fellow beings starving to death.

my thoughts took me outside to where i walked up slowly to the gentleman and extended my hand "Hi, I'm Gwen and I would be honored if you joined me for lunch." he smiled wide showing healthy white teeth and extended his wrinkled hand that knew first hand hard work and replied "I'm Paul and that sounds mighty fine."


Saturday, May 1

The New Name.

says it all.

I think it fits.

it describes who I am.

confident, natural, loving, calm, real, beautiful, strong, compassionate, understanding, brave...
all the things found in nature. all the things found in my writing.

no more hiding behind pennanddpaperr. i want the world to know my name even if the mouths never utter it after reading this final sentence.


Thursday, April 29

Are You Listening?

she said it took her having her first child to get a grasp on reality. to really stop what she was doing wrong in her life and make a change. getting pregnant at seventeen by a guy that she learned how to love correctly and incorrectly for multiple years, who gave her something she will never be able to rid her body of. looking back on it, i remember hearing about her. she was known for fighting and partying...

the first day i saw him, i couldn't take my eyes off of him. not because he was "hella fine" but because he had these indentations on his face that nobody could ignore. they looked smooth but at the same time once were hard and painful. i wanted to ask him how he got them but i just couldn't bring myself to pry. until one day i took the chance and reached out and touched them. at first he flinched so i pulled back but he grabbed my hand...

they seemed to be the perfect couple. both good looking, easy going, and loving. they walked in holding hands and walked out with him opening the door. she came to school crying one day and he held her and literally wiped her tears away. he sat in class, leg shaking, fists clenched, and she laid a gentle hand on his back and kissed his forehead. they're eyes softened and she pulled her hair behind her ear. on her neck was a tattoo "Bitch" and on his wrist "Disappointment"...

...a recovering meth addict that dated a guy for three years who gave her two beautiful little girls and herpes.

...saying "I was coming off a six day high. I had just broke into my parents house and stole my moms jewelry and little brothers PlayStation two and video games. I was trying to score. When i met up with the dude he told me he wouldn't take my stuff only money and i didn't have any. i left but came back later and tried to rob him. i got away with some and went and got high. i was so tweaked out walking up and down the street that i didn't see them rushing me from behind. they took me to a barn like place and pushed me on the ground face first it was wet and smelled like gas and one of the guys through down his cigarette.."

...she was once a ho. the stroll, a pimp, strung out addict. he used to rob people, places, was planning a heist. one night while out with his friends they went to a liquor store where as he was walking out he was asked by her was he "looking for a good time." he said yea, told her to get in the car his friend left running and drove off. they drove and drove, him never telling her where they were going and she, eventually falling asleep. they ended up in cities away and he pulled over to the side of the road "I'm leaving. I'll take you where ever you want to go along the way but i can't continue doing what i do and i don't think your liking what you do. i can tell you right now regardless of what you've done i love you..." he starts the car and drives back onto the road and they've been riding ever since.

so pretty and polished, Jerkin style and soft spoken, angelic and slim, intimidatingly masculine teddy bear, i sat by these four people in class for weeks and never could've imagined their stories.


Por Favor.

check out my cousin/brother Chris over @ http://12dots.blogspot.com/
he's new to Blogger so make him feel welcome and immerse yourself in his psyche.
he's one to intrigue.


Wednesday, April 28

My Pullback .

When I love
I love hard
I will always love and get hurt
But that is my weakness
That is my pullback

When I love
I love hard
I believe in true love
I believe it's too good to be true
But that is my weakness
That is my pullback

When I love
I love hard
I endure most of your hurt
I take it and i consume it
So you won't have too
But that is my weakness
That is my pullback

When I love
I love hard
I would wait
But I would die a bit each day
So you won't have too
But that is my weakness
That is my pullback

My pullback is you.


A Day At Work.

- He paid me in dimes. $15.

are you fareal? I'M NOT SELLING DRUGS! why are you looking like a fiene counting change?! next time stop at the Luckys across the street and make friends with the Coin Star machine homes.

- She walked in and walked past me without saying "Hey" "Hi" or "Fuck You".

check it Taylor Swift, i understand you might not like me for whatever high school reason your brain has conjured up but before i Kanye West you, lets try at least being cordial. don't worry, i won't tell your pregnancy pact pals that you weren't being the normal high school douche. promise!

- "Can I get that in a bag."

YOUR MILK HAS A HANDLE! what the hell do you need a bag for?!

- six calls for six different items in six minutes. no lie.

now why couldn't you have called once and asked about all items. of course i would've had to put you on hold for awhile seeing how there is RARELY anyone on the floor in the evening except myself, but i would've got back to you as quickly as possible!

- They're plotting on me.

they want me outta there! my co-workers that is. they were caught on the end of aisle four by a customer plotting my demise.... lol i laugh at them urkels. i am not going anywhere anytime soon haters. so roll with me or get rolled over. i am here to put myself through school and for the customers how you doing!

- ..If you don't mind someone old enough to be your Papi.

older men and Mexicans adore me! i don't know if its because I'm a P.Y.T or they're just old horny dogs... ima evaluate this a little further.

-I bagged $167.62 in groceries ...

when she suddenly realized she had her Eco-Friendly bags. *blank stare* are you kidding me? *customers blank stare back* i don't want the plastic. well then you must be about to take all them damn groceries out of those plastic bags and put them in your own bags because my back is hurting, i should have been on break TWENTY MINUTES ago, and i'm the only one answering the phones and trying to deal with OCD SAVE THE PLANET WORK MY NERVES lady, You! "no problem."

i must scram now. lets see what happens today...


Monday, April 26

Framed .

let me close the camera shutters and indulge in the memory card.
may I find pictures that I thought were deleted but remain simply stored.
I'm just trying to capture,
without focus,
without changing the lense,
the essence of your inner beauty.
which is why I sit in your presence and technology is nonexistent.

may I have permission?
to take your hearts deisres and give you the red light special.
develop all the beauty that true love creates.
introduce light into darkness,
feel the warmth of a wet place, yet cool as I shake.

your tripod holds me perfectly.
right in the center, vertical like.
horizontal if the angle is right.
was flash used? I remember light.
or was that just from the shutters being squeezed so tight.

I've taken plenty of different shots
& tried many different poses,
but something about this fixed spot has this camera frozen.
nothing moving, just staying.
in position


Saturday, April 24

Teen Life Crisis .

yep. ^ that's what I call it. why? because I'm nowhere near Mid-Life duh. lol
but the fact steady remains, I've been tripping!

i'm turning nineteen May 26 and while I should be making plans... or friends... to go out celebrating with i'm too busy having anxiety attacks, crying, and imagining myself sliding down that age 'hill.'

Wooddy said I'm 21 so if yur feelin old i'm feelin like a grandpa... good one! but its not the feeling old part, that's just me not getting enough sleep lol, it's the getting old... i don't wanna! *pouts*

i was suuuper geeked to turn eighteen.

shiiiiiit i was in the club like to the windooooooow to the waaaaaallll!! and then three a.m. hit, McDonald's filled my stomach, and the sheets and pillows seduced me. i took a shower too. more weekends like that, school, the gym, work and BAM! May 26 is quickly approaching AGAIN! TF?!

*thinks of something else to say on the subject... *crickets*

damn, i need to lay off Twitter. (TF?) -___-


Friday, April 23

"You Are Not Who I Thought You Were."

when I hit about 50 followers on blogger a few special ladies stood out from the group. they took the time to talk to me, comment faithfully, shout me out, award me, and all the other wonderful blog perks. well, along with Shay, RoByn, Amy, Miss Traci, and Keisha there was another beautiful middle aged woman. beautiful writer, appreciator of my written works, and most importantly a mother. her sixteen year old daughter was a vigilant reader of mine and although she didn't have a blog she kept up with me through her gmail or her mothers blog account. thank you! if you ever get the chance to read my words again..

as many of you know, Tuesday was 4/20. National Weed Smoking day. point blank, i participated. *gasp!* yes, Gwen is Herbal Appreciator. we'll get back to that in a minute. the daughter and mother were both following me on Twitter... until 4/20. apparently what i was saying was not "responsible" or "lady like" so she took the liberty to write me, shun me, and stop her daughter from following me on twitter and blogger.

now I'm not one to get between a mother and her child because i just wasn't raised that way but i would like to express myself on the subject because i don't feel as though i did anything wrong.

i make it a point to respect any ones reading preferences by having a adult content warning on my blog. i protect my Tweets on Twitter not because I'm trying to hide anything but because i want anyone who wants to be on either page to be sure of the choice they are making. i am a young woman with a lot of opinions, thoughts, and feelings. i am going to disappoint, anger, make proud, and anything else with my words. i am still a kid! i don't call myself a role model because that really is a heavy burden to bare and I'm not perfect. i don't like to brag about myself but one thing i can say with a straight face and you will never have to question, imma say whats on my mind. i have never edit myself, even growing up sitting in 6th grade when i told the girl in front of me that "it isn't polite to roll your eyes when people make a mistake while reading. not everybody is capable of being trained." almost 7 years later, i still do the same. sitting in Econ class talking about typical teenage nonsense like weed, parties, and sex but at the drop of a hat educating about Our Ancestors, the meaning of life, and politics.

"You made a choice to follow me because you thought i was a good role model for your daughter but i think you failed to realize I'm not too much older than your daughter and that maybe one of the reasons she enjoys my writing so much was that she could harmonize with me. she didn't feel judged for feeling the same things i wrote about, she silently agreed with me from her side of the computer, and when we talked she was herself. if you expect me to apologize for what i said on 4/20 and the days following, I'm not going to. that would be me apologizing for being me and i will never apologize for being the only Real thing i know how to be but i will say, in no way was i ever glamorizing my actions or trying to sell my ideals to anyone especially your daughter. i appreciated you two following me and i do miss your presence as followers. feel free to come back anytime."

coming later... my personal thoughts on Marijuana, Religion, Relationships, Love, Cheating, Friends, Education, and my take on myself personally.


Thursday, April 22

I'm Always Pretty TRUTH-ful .

1. Awhile ago my friend Keisha introduced the idea of Tumblr to me and of course I rejected leaving blogger. I thought this was the coolest site ever... until I read someones blog and found out blogger is soooo 3 years ago LOL. woah! ... i'm super late.

2. I watch Roseanne religiously every night. she's hella funny!

3. I've realized many people who read my blog don't know me and never will. I could put my life in words and post it but they will always have their own expectations and opinions of me.

4. I don't make friends because no matter how hard I try they don't stimulate me on various levels. I think of a friendship as no different from a relationship. It takes time, trust, being fun as well as serious, communication, chemistry, and commitment. so as of now not many people have the title.

5. I saw Lauryn Hill's most recent picture on Mediatakeout.com and I felt as though my prayers might be answered that she may come back and Educate, Mentally Relieve, and Effortlessly Entertain us with her music.

6. I hate when people try to force their beliefs on you about anything. period.

7. I gave in and flat ironed my hair... damn should've gave the Chi away...

8. Yesterday I really experienced and appreciated Twitter while taking a walk.

9. When i'm really feeling a song i'll play it Over and Over. lol
Erykah Badu - Gone Baby, Don't Be Long

10. I love baked goods. cupcakes, cookies, brownies, cake, CARBS! lol

Something I don't like:

when men/women say that all men/women are the same. fareal? have you met or dated every man/woman? gosh if I had a dollar for everytime I heard this.

stay tuned for the story of how I lost two followers.. I have a feeling I might lose a lot more after the next post... but I can't apologize for being Honestly ME.


Monday, April 19

Who Is That Girl ?

So uhm, I feel like I should've did this in the beginning but I wanted my words to manifest in your brains and let you create your own image of me. I had no expectations in doing this but luckily for me it worked out for the best.

did I mention I love you guys?

I've shared my personal experiences and given you my sarcastic side notes, but i've never really divulged who I am as far as beliefs, personal life, music, religion, dreams, goals, random facts, and whatever else you might want to know so, my next post will be about this one chick Gwen Thomas aka Pennanddpaperr.

*I've already received some emails and a few Facebook messages asking me to speak on certain topics in my opinion so I'll be touching on those... and whatever You! would like me to. just leave a comment on this post, FB message me, or hit me on Twitter*


Saturday, April 17

Don't Worry, I Didn't Say Your Name Sista.

I think you should know that the self righteous look doesn't look good on you.

I agree, which is why I don't wear it.

you come off like you're so humble and blessed to be liked by so many other bloggers on blogger but let's be real, its a act. nobody can be that happy about anything. especially people you don't know.

I guess you have yet to experience complete fulfillment from.. anything! because I am beyond blessed and humbled by every last person that takes the time to read and comment my posts. I don't know these people? I know they're minds and hearts. if that's not knowing someone then I don't know myself.

some of your material isn't half bad but then you write stuff that is just out in left field and nobody understands it. you're trying too hard to be deep and its a complete fail!

how can expressing myself be a failure? you didn't consider yourself failing when you felt the need to express your opinion, and I don't consider you having failed by not getting under my skin because you were searching for a reaction and I'm sure when you read this post you will have your own (:

"its all love Beautiful. I appreciate you telling me how you feel about my written works. while I don't agree with all you have said or even liked some of it, I respect it. a individual is nothing without individual thoughts. Blessings."


Friday, April 16

Where Are All The Good Ones ?

There was Kenny..
somehow he got hooked up with the girl I called my best friend,
That fucked with my then "man",
I was with,
for two years.
I still remember her red hair.
Horse teeth, body,
but since she was a white girl, Outrageous.
gifted mind,

ignorant acts.
The Gift in me before spoken words.

Then there was Josh..
came in swangin em'
And your voice,
Sing to my Ears,
That you love,
Release thoughts that have accumulated over the days.
And you really listen, and I really care.
Man I should've kissed u that night we sat on the couch,
Just chilling.

victim of Love, He.
too good for many,
unappreciated by few,
still believes The One,

Met Chris..
at a park.
bricking shots.
Still claims that was a bad day.
Good day since we met each other,
and the party later was Live!
spent a whole night,
off of drink and smoke,
minds not there,
bodies in the same bed,
and didn't do nothing but.

Jay came around later.
a woman's dream but since I am a Goddess,
wasn't impressed.
talked about the sexes
that walk our Earth and we messed with.
dropping much needed and ignored knowledge.
hooked him up with my Best friend,
they're Solid.
treats her like a Queen,
I knew he would from the,

I'm friends with them..


Thursday, April 15

No Game, No Lines.

I know this Flower
essence of a Nubian power
a Beautiful creation my thoughts,
soul Trust,
and True Love is willing to devour
may I shower a sense of Reconsideration
though I might be in the waiting,
Patience is a Virtue
so call my humbleness Love in the making.


Wednesday, April 14

Never Thought I'd Have To Write A Post About This...

so lately I have been getting some static about my recent poetry posts. whats wrong with them? <-- my exact thoughts. apparently, my poems "don't make any sense", are "unidentifiable", and a few other not so nice things.


I honestly dont know what to tell all you who have reached out and mentioned this to me. I write for myself and my readers are a apart of who I am and with that being said i've never doubted they wouldnt be able to
"understand" my work.

*i thought this would be pretty obvious anyway, with the personality i have*

feel free to hit me on Facebook or Twitter to talk about anything you read on my blog. complaints, personal thoughts/opinions, my personal thoughts/opinions, or shiiiiiiiit just to chop it up! :)

am i losing my touch..?


Tuesday, April 13

...And They Lived Happily Ever After!


that's the kind of Love I wanna have.

ain't letting you go for nothing else .

at first i'll exhibit Perfection and Polished but after awhile,

Our Love Not Gone.

Comfort Chains will pull Loyal Gains.

you'll stray but never forget Home.


isn't that the real love story?


Sunday, April 11

Damn, Twitter Got Me !

Yes, I made one! after all my anti - twitterness ... *hangs head*
to be real, I only made it to follow Erykah Badu *nods head and smiles* but a lot of you special people have one too s0o0o0o0o, WinWin!

are you going to... follow me! :)

*shoutout to the Dopest Chick to ever pick up a Pen, Tzitzi!
for letting me pick her brain on a username lol.*

"ily my writing wife , aha !"


No Cool Title .

its a everyday addiction,
this thing I feel.
born to Fly like birds who Soar in the sky
to ultimately end up High, on Cloud 9.

its a movement in many ways.
a dance of Laughs, Cries, and Smiles,
that caress me.
engulfs me completely
to gently rise.

its a Game
I have to strategically play,
getting inside the others head.
hating to love the Mystery.
but with each look
free falling.

it's a book never written.
the stories untold.
Ink or Lead never laid on Paper
nothing to behold.
its truth never considered lies.
mortal eyes never comprehend.



Saturday, April 10

Don't Be A Nigger Ignorant .

A black person isn't just a 'nigga' and a white person isn't just a 'cracker' these days. There are positive and negative points to being any race and many different kinds of people that take on their own living version of each. While some exercise the 'good' qualities there are those that do other things...

1. There you are in the store, looking through racks of clothes or price checking groceries when little Keisha or Donte is running all around the store. Instead of stopping what you are doing, remaining civilized, and going to collect your obvious bebe kid,

Don't do that!

2. You walk out looking like its laundry day, you're not done taking your braids out, and you wasn't planning on being out this long when someone well put together walks into wherever you are. You look them up and down, pick apart their appearance, and finally decide that what they have on would look better on you and "they ain't all that."

Don't do that!

3. You're walking around wearing brand names from head to toe, nails done, hair freshly cut, 'drippin' in cubic zirconias, pushing a nice whip, and swiping your EBT card like its a black card.

Don't do that!

4. Shirt, belt, shoes, jewelry, purse, highlights/streaks, nails: same color.

Don't do that!

5. Calling any woman or man a bitch or nigga.

Don't do that!

6. Going to community college for the financial aid check, claiming you're 'crazy' to receive SSI, or simply scheming to get ahead.

Don't do that!

7. That's yo 'nigga' or 'main bitch' but as soon as they're outta earshot you're telling something they told you, spreading gossip about them, quick to say yall ain't cool 'like dat', or plotting to get what they have.

Don't do that!

8. Walking out the house wearing tight fitting-damn near too small clothes, showing all your goodies and get offended when a man hits on you, says some slick shit, or simply looks at you the wrong way. If you don't want the attention, next time wear something You Know won't bring any unwanted.

Don't do that!

9. Failing African American Studies...

Don't do that!

10. Your hair is done , your child's isn't. You're well put together , your child isn't. You're wearing a jacket in cold weather , your child isn't.

Don't do that!

11. Going to church, recovery meetings, probation/parole offices, or the mall to meet a man/woman.

Don't do that!

12. Yelling across/down the street or out the windows of cars "yee!" Or "Ay baby!"

Don't do that!

13. Baggy jeans, grill in your mouth, hat low, using hands as a belt, singing off key out loud walking down the street, in front of the store, or where people have to walk.

Don't do that!

14. Cussing at your children in public and period. They're humans and need to be taught by example. they're capable of understanding and respecting verbal communication as well.

Don't do that!

15. You brought a child into the world by another troubled indivual adding to the pollution of lungs and lives and expect to be taken care of because of it, you are a African American male who lives life hindered by some self imposed slavery that you read in a book, or you rather kick it with ya 'bitches/niggas' smoking, drinking, and increase your chances of going to jail or pregnant than get a real job, expecting something for nothing.

Don't do that!

There's probably a few other things that bother each of us as African Americans but I'm hoping some of us are aware of the fuckery and will stop it on our own. Sometimes a person just needs to hear it from someone else, so let Gwen have been the first to have told you :)
*feel free to quit following me now*


A Fluid Reason .

the reflection in the water shows Me,
the person everyone sees,
the person anyone can recognize.
the reflection in the water is showing Me,
I can be more.
it shows me Purified, Decent, Fulfilled.
when I touch the water it ripples,
like my eyes opening and closing to view the world.
I take it all in,
and it doesn't just reflect Me.
the reflection in the water shows me and who I've Become.
the reflection in the water may show the world,
but it'll always show One.


Friday, April 9

My Written Evolution .

*poetically firm*

ima Cum Deep.

ima make my words Cream written mind blowing fantasies.

Woah! far out freak.


had me throwing em back before we got

back to her crib, where i was just

dropping her off...

before she invited me


*hangs head*

*exaggerated pause*

sorry didn't mean to leave you hanging.

thats just kinda how it felt when she was doing this thing called play plus 4...

*obviously lying*

and i wasn't into that shit!

i was looking for something Quick

and just wanted to


My Seed!

*firm yet touching*

somebody has to Nurture this Generation.

Learn to Understand this Generation.

because every one of yal,

was once This Generation.


Thursday, April 8

The Written Feline .

the sexiest animal is a White Tiger.
Aggressive yet Feminine, Independent but Loving.
Adaptive Territorians.

I just described a Strong Black Woman.

You know
the kind that look everything like their name,
but underlying is a whole bunch of,
otha thangs.
that all still manage to Intrigue You.

stands by her Man but dares him to Test her allowings.
had all mind blowing bodies back in their day until their Future Generation came.

a White Tiger.

look "The Part" but still have them Strong, Prominent,
to be only what a Strong Black Woman knows how to

them White Tigers are The Truth!
no wonder they're a Rarity.


Wednesday, April 7

A Crumpled Piece Of Paper .

man one time when we was walking.
She put her hand on my back and rubbed my arm saying how proud she was I done It.
You know, It!
The It where she-helped-you-with-assignment- and-you-acted-as-if-you-didn't-know-it-and-you-get-an-A-when-you-knew-it-beforehand-but-you'd-do-anything-t0-make-her-feel,

I don't really be trying to get at her but shiiiiiiiiit she act like she want me.
i mean, i be in there getting all The Detail,
its going real good,
when she politely comes close,
her perfume in my nose,
and tells me she's glad she has me for a friend...
Yea dawg, a friend!
so in my head i'm thinking,

but then I calm down,
because I can't imagine the process of becoming
A Woman.
the Everyday Challenges,
the Life Changing Affairs,
the possible Recreation of our species starting with One pregnancy scare.
Yea I'm staring baby,
I'm Appreciating you for all you are.
looking through your Souls Windows,
Deep in your seventh,
The Crown.

I'll be glad when you quit ignoring me because my gear ain't Fly, i'm not as Attractive as that other guy, you don't see me in a group talking about the next party, and I don't drink or smoke so I can't be entertaining.

Sincerly signed,

The frog in the pond where the Water is Deep. You passed, ending Thirsty.


Tuesday, April 6

Poetic, World - MY State .

in My Poetic World there's a Depth with every Word used.
a Underlined Meaning with every Thought
that comes to Life on a piece of Paper.
I build My World through Experiences
and add touches of bliss.
things I cannot get in The Box,
the State,
the World puts Him,
and will fail to put I in.

I Create Magic
with just a look to the Sky, Inspiration.
and Beautiful Words that Flow from My Pencil.
I Touch everything with Light Touches,
so I do not disturb the process of Growth
that Every Beautiful Thing Deserves.
I Understand that nothing is Perfect but Here,
there is Nothing Worth Hating.
even through Mistakes and Troubles,
everything steady Shines.
everything stands Tall and Proud
and although Very Different,
fits perfectly.

In My Poetic World
I'm Seen for Spirit and Soul.
I'm Understood for the Experiences I Share,
the Burdens that I bared,
that never Hindered me because
Poetic, World
was there.

In My Poetic World I Write With No Barriers.
No What If's.
No Discrimination.
I Write What I Feel and What I See.
This Is My Poetic World.
The World That Has No Limitations.
The World That Sets You


Monday, April 5

Speechless .

today as I sat Indian style on the living room floor eating Cap'n Crunch Berries, watching Little Bear on Nick Jr, and fitted in my purple feetie jammies .. don't judge me lol .. I was checking in with my blogspot family. ya know reading every bodies thoughts, feelings, and vital information when Blog Award by Don at http://minusthebars.blogspot.com/ caught my attention. *if you haven't checked out his blog and clicked Follow, HOW ARE YOU LIVING LIFE?! seriously.*

anyway, I mosied my way on to his page and got immersed in reading his Beautifully written thoughts, unaware how in a few short seconds I would be left ...speechless. he took the time to have his daughter read through his blog list *list of blogs the writer takes special interest in and recommends to others* and write down the ones she liked. well me being a newbie to his eyes, I never expected to even be mentioned let alone given such a ... Mind Blowing compliment.

"I recently came across this young sista's blog through Traci and, let me tell you, she is pure FIYAH. I am a unapologetic lover of Assata Shakur, the way she expresses herself so vigilant and yet completely intelligent manner. I believe this sista to be a younger version of Assata, herself." - Don

may I quickly say, before the waterworks, that I am on cloud 9! I am Too Amazed, Happy, Humbled, Overjoyed, and Honored right now. all I could do, besides reading it multiple times as I was sure it would disappear from what I was convinced was a dream, was cry, laugh, jump up and down, and try to wipe my eyes faster than the tears could gush. I was close to the living room entertainment center and I'm accident prone lol. many thank you's to Don and his daughter and of course every last beautiful person that has taken the time to read my words, follow me, and talk to me personally. every last one of you means So much to me and because I know I can't find the words to describe how you make me feel, I won't even attempt.

just know, I LOVE YOU !


"These violent delights have violent ends."

He was always told
he'd be a Star,
every coaches favorite.
He never complained,
about running the laps
for he knew they were just the basics,
and that when in the Game
the muscles he built
would help make him so much better.

He awed all the crowds
as he shot and shot,
made it,
and more than likely got the steal.
the girls went wild
they oohed and awwed
and wished one day to date him.
little did they know
One girl sat below
wearing a content and sweet smile,
She knew He was Hers and She was His too
They were going to go mile for mile.

They shared bright days
and handsome nights
that they never wanted to end,
complimenting Each other perfectly
outside and in.

She was always there for Him
through Any and Everything
and no matter where He was
She was on her way.
to a game, a date
to dinner, or just to chill
to buy a gift, to sit by Him
in the crowd cheering.
She was the Ying to His Yang
His Right to Her Wrong
and they felt Together They were Strong.

sirens blared and yells were heard
the cops where on their way,
the ambulance wailed
trying to think of a way,
to break through traffic that day.
the sky was grey
No sunshine
it was even really Cold,
this was the day Antwan Died
not Body but his Soul

to see Her laying in his arms
blood seeping from the wound,
he sees Her Tears
fall from the eyes
hes always loved to look into.
if only He could go back in time
from when the trigger was pulled,
acted a little quicker
dove in front of Her
did something to make this better,
to stop the Pain
from making Her body shiver

He lost The One
He truly Loved
there would be No Replacing Her,
along with Her
He Died as well
Never to be the same,
He longed to Love Her
just One more time
in that Special Way,
but even Romeo and Juliet still would've Died
in a hood tragedy.