Wednesday, March 31

Bald Guys Never Have A Bad Hair Day.

after many attempts to try and go Natural ..

  • NOT washing my hair for long periods of time ... *yuck!*
  • twisting with different products ...
  • getting kinky twist ... <--- the hair used, slipped out in the first few days
obvious, F A I L !

my sister Bernice told me that there is in fact a way I could go Natural even with my hair type (silky and soft) but she's not exactly on board with the idea so she is keeping the secret recipe to herself. chicken balls! so ive just decided to go Natural my own way.

  • NO more flat ironing

*my sister Karen has already asked would I sell her my Chi ($200 flat iron) but I can't even begin to fathom the Idea of doing that!* I promise not to use it! but I just cant part with it.

  • NO more curling iron
  • NO more gel or hairspray
  • NO more combs or brushes

I will be 'finger combing' if I feel the need to.

  • NO more blow drying

heat and my hair have never been friends. it causes dryness and frizz. *hate that!*

so a simple wash and condition when i'm in the shower and a little Luster's Pink Oil Moisturizer *<--- been using it since I was a baby Gwen lol* after I towel dry my hair when I get out.

and Wah lah! this is My Natural. likeeeee? :)


Tuesday, March 30

When Boredom Set In .

Suppose I loved like you.
There'd be no new Fruit to pluck in early Spring if I loved like you.
Nothing to show for Harvesting and Growth, just weeds that make the prettiest thing look remote.

Loving like you.
I can't understand why you love like you do.
When I say I love you
and you thinking you're playing me, say "I love you too."
That's just the way you love, don't chu?

Acting like you.
You should be a Oscar Nominee for the work you do.
Not you?
Can't all good actors perform like you.
Crying, Smiling, Laughing, Hurting.
Emotions produced.
That's your job while mine is steady loving you.

But let's talk about me.

Loving like me.
Its harder than you think, loving like me.
Underpaid, emotionally enslaved, this job don't have no benefits.
Why do I stay?

Sitting at home, by the phone, why do I stay?
Haven't been out since our second date, what date was that on?
Don't think it was even a date, I think it was the last time we went out trying to be adults, talk it out, and makeup from your last fuck up.
I'm just saying.
If loving like you was this flash before my eyes as mine glazed over with a transfixed smile.

This will be our last date.

*i promise a REAL post next time and no more poems lol*


One Word Tag ...

i was Tagged by Miss RayvnRae @ to do a one word Tag post.
*i love things like this! (:

Here we go !

Hair -natural mess of curls ( :
Your Mother - my hert
Your Father - still fairly new to my life
Fav Food- chinese and italian
Dream last night - i dont remember ...
Fav drink - water
What room are you in - living room
Hobby - writing/blogging, shopping, working out
Fear - losing my mommy
Where were you last night - home
Something that you aren't - stuck up , i'm really helllllaaaaa cool ( :
Muffins - warm blueberry , yumm!
Wish list item - 2007 infiniti m35 <--- plan to have it by summer!
Where you grow up - Murda Dubz East Oakland
What you are wearing - grey sweats, green&&black "Pimp The System" tshirt, and whitegrey&&green Jordan 7's
Your Pet - miniature black with brown paws dachshund, Princess
Friends - n/a
Something your not wearing - jewlery
Fav Store - Target
Fav Color -Purple
Last time you laughed - about an hour ago. my sister is tooo funny!
Your Best Friend - Kiara Beverly. almost 7 years strong!
Best Place you go over and over - home. no place like it.
Person who email you regularly - email? lol text, bbm, aim, or hit me on facebook.
Fav place to eat - Olive Garden

I tag:



Monday, March 29

For Me ?!

today i received The Beautiful Blogger award from the very entertaining Cook.The.Poet @

*leans back in chair, sighs, and big smile appears on face*

you have no idea how good it feels to be selected to receive this award. i have quite a few now where some have never experienced receiving one so every time after the first one, which by the way is still very much a wonderful memory, is simply a humbling experience. thank you SO much Cook for giving me this award and all the other amazing people that follow my blog or occassionally pop in. I LVE YOU GUYS!
*enough of the awards show acceptance speech lol... sorry i just get reaaallly happy (:

So the rules go as followed::

*-Thank the person who nominated you and link to their blog.*

-Copy the award and paste it to your blog.-

*Pass this award on to 15 fantastic bloggers you have discovered. *

-Contact your nominations and let them know they've won.-

*drum roll*

Chymere @<---- beautiful writer , always something uplifting and inspirational

Sandi @ <---- her random tidbits are definitely worth stopping by to read

Miss Traci @ <---- she definitely has a way with words and posts are always The Truth

Ashbee @ <---- her blog tells the truth with no apologies. she beats me to a lot of my own topics lol.

Caroline @ <---- she's a newbie to me but i'm already digging her straightforward choice of words *thumbs up*

Ravyn @ <---- she's had me following her posts since My Pen "Gosh! i felt you girl." lol

Chloe @ <---- i mean c'mon, she likes the Golden Girls ! that in itself is deservant of this award. I LOVE them brawds!

Tashay @ <---- point blank , she makes me feel as though im sane. ♥


so uhm, you know what you and i have all just realized? *shrugs* ... that was nowhere near 15 bloggers lol. i guess i can't hide the fact i dont follow many people now huh. honestly, i have been meaning to change this fact. maybe now will be the best time since we are all giving shout outs to our personal favs. a lot of blogs i follow are written by interesting people that like interesting people sooooo yeaaaaa (: *makes a mental note to take the intiative to read everybodies awardees Tomorrow because she is too tired Tonight* <--- with that being said ... zzzz!


Saturday, March 27

They Ask Me Why I'm Deep .

they ask me why I'm deep.
why every word that leaves my lips seems planned before I speak.
they don't look at the full form, pink, beauty mark adorned flesh that once kissed a thug goodbye,
cuz The Lifestyle eventually claimed his life.
no, they just ask Why.

i cry for all the Single Mothers.
they sure don't have the time to cry for themselves.
to let one drop of emotion fall from their,

see more than where I am trying to be
but from studying can tell where all the MisEducation and Ignorance is going to lead.
that's what I preach to these blind Young Folks of the world
that think its all about that boy or girl.
that has only felt hands.
not Passion.

can you feel mine?
does it melt your heart and strengthen your mind,
take you on a journey,

has beauty you never see.
artistic ways, a gifted change
no longer planning, trying to mentally just Sustain because,
who can survive with no core?
I can't survive with no pen.
if stripped of everything in the end,
ill always have my Think-ing.

broken hearts, tarnished name
mistakes Intentionally made, I WAS DUMB!
and it was fun...

they ask me why I'm deep.

I just put my words out there, scramble em around, and recite them again.
aren't you just as deep as me?
you tell me I'm speaking your life's story
i thought you was you and I was Me.

come here and let me give you some Poetic Justice,
let me whisper something in your ear,
show you that these are just Words you hear,

"We All Have A Story."


Friday, March 26

To: ALL The Women Of Blogger ...

"A capable, intelligent and virtuous woman, who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far ABOVE RUBIES or pearls."

Proverbs 31:10


Wednesday, March 24

He Calls Me His "Bottom Bitch"

so what is that suppose to mean? is this the new "Thing" because if so... i guess im just not going to ever fit in. what happened to being someones girlfriend, wifey, best friend, and all the rest of those... nowadays seemingly meaningless titles?

girl #1 "all I'm saying is that he can do what he want as long as when we together its all about me. if i cant prove it then.."

girl #2 "then a bitch don't need to know! you cant control a man when they gone do the shit. might as well let that nigga do him, while i do me."

*the infamous high-five*

i sat there and thought, what kind of bullshit logic is that to have! i mean what respectable woman, first of all, would allow a B O Y to just continually do any and everything with no consequence when it comes to her life, heart, and personal safety. sure we have all had one or two bad relationships in our time, it comes with dating, but when did females start just accepting it.

*tunes back into the exchange of oral ignorance between the two*

girl #1 "he's never going to leave me for her. i have that niggas baby and his name on me. he knows wassup."

girl #2 "girl Darryl be thinking he can just up and leave me at anytime but what he don't know is that hes never getting rid of me. hes going to give me his son and if he ain't trying to, i have my ways."

*girl #1 laughs* "girl i know that's right. Shawn make so much money that i didn't give trapping his ass a second thought but the shit happened before i got the chance."

who sits in the park, smoking a blunt, openly talking about trapping some drug dealer, pimp, robber? <--- hey the stereotypes fits this time! you're intentionally bringing a child into the world to keep some unfaithful B O Y who probably cant tell the truth to save his life besides the fact you don't respect yourself enough to expect it from him in the first place. branding a name on you that is only going to remind you of pain and mistreatment and scar you with emotional baggage and all kinds of issues. we're suppose to live in the present but damn would it hurt you to look to the future?! and speaking of the future, *scene pauses and Gwen stands in front of both girls hands on hips and neck a-rolling* I'm worried about the little one that is at home. you don't sound very educated yourself, how are you going to educate another being? set a good example? provide the best, not Jordan's, clothes, and toys but morals, values, trust, and truthfulness. i can already see another statistic on the corner. looking up to the fast money and yet again disgracing a race that already has it bad enough by simply being a darker color. *play*

girl #2 "yea she called him again. i told him he better check her ass or there was going to be some problems. he know i don't play that shit. that's why he has a cellphone."

girl #1 "i wish a bitch would call my mans phone trying to be bold. i would have to slap the shit out of a hoe. i cant stand these dumb bitches these days."

girl #2 "i told him he better put her ass in her place or i will. i get tired of having to hear her voice or see her name when me and him are together. he lucky i know how to play my position or i would've been left his ass"

so you're taking your time leaving someone that openly cheats on you? and by playing your position this is the kind of treatment you have to endure? if you didn't know your man is cheating this a SURE way of knowing now... but then again i guess she already knows.

*Gwen shakes her head laughing and continues writing in her notebook*

girl #2 "whatchu laughing at?" mumbles "this bitch going to say something smart and fuck up my high and ima go to jail." her sidekick "hm mm!"

*Gwen looks up and smiles, "just listening to you ladies conversation."*

girl #1 "i see somebody is nosey. you need to mind your fucking business." rolls eyes and hits the blunt.

*Gwen laughs and puts book in book bag and gets up, "just so you know, you two are beautiful. young and the future of tomorrow. you don't have to sit here and act like what these so called men do don't bother or hurt you. when you're ready for better its out there. Real Men that will step up and take care of you both like Real Women should be taken care of *looks to the one with the kid* be a real father figure, worth looking up to, for your child. don't be a hard rock when you really are a gem." <--- LVE Lauryn Hill for that one !

*Gwen walks away after smiling in the duo's faces.*

girl #1 "bitch you don't know us! my man loves me! I'm the bottom bitch you stuck up hoe!"

Gwen stops walking, turns around, and says with a smile "then stay at the bottom, bitch."


Friday, March 19

"i didnt mean to call you"

this is why i hate "getting to know" or "talking" to a guy. i detest the vulnerability. the waiting for his phone calls, the butterflies from a text message, the lack of emotional control when he makes you laugh and can even make you smile when your mad. point blank, the expectations. and not just expecting "things" but the common courtesies. without them knowing it they hold you in their hands...

im thinking i should have a little more control... but lets be real, I'm a girl! I'm emotional! i suck that lovey dovey shit up and like every minute im living it.

*mind conversation* "get it together Gwen. you're not too far gone. it's still possible to bounce back"

*long sigh and hangs head*

NO good can come from this.


Wednesday, March 17

The Title .

eight people in the living room - myself , two brothers , and five of their friends, chilling. MTV Jams pounding out of the flat screen, Jay-Z's - On To The Next One going off and Wayne's - A Milli coming on.

Steven "Man I'm glad that nigga Wayne going to jail. give somebody else a chance to shine. Jay need to bring his old ass back and take the title." the rest of the idiots "Hell yea, man."

*Gwen ponders* "Technically Wayne ain't going nowhere. that nigga has so much music he's been working on that hes going to be another Pac. Niggas is going to claim he ain't in jail because he's going to be dropping videos and singles regularly. his team is going to space out what ever music he has over a period of a time to keep him relevant."

Marcus "that may be true but with Jay in the lab and Wayne in prison, Wayne wont be able to touch Jay."

sarcasm ----> "you're right! and it takes Wayne being in jail for Jay to even deliver like he might." -_-

Steven "Why you hating Gwen? Jay last album was slapping! better than that Wayne shit."

"uhmmm, Steven my dear. i think Jay said it best. *puts on Locs and brothers black cap and impersonates Jay* "men lie, women lie, numbers don't." apparently the WORLD disagrees that Wayne's album wasn't exactly 'shit."

*the idiots laugh uncomfortably* Calvin "she got you there Steve."

"I'm not saying Wayne is "The Best Rapper Alive" but hes doing what it takes to steady attract fans, sell albums, drop mix tapes, and keep himself popular. Jay although seasoned in the game only comes back when he feels he has something to say, D.O.A. , and personally that was just to talk shit. *even though he claims it was no disrespect. uhm sure 'Hov -_- *

Marcus "that's because he tight like that. he can come back and say what he wants because niggas respect him. even Wayne said that Jay is his favorite rapper so now what? not only that but Jay aint trying to go with the trends like Wayne. first that nigga wanted to be a gangsta now this nigga looking like a tatted up Lupe Fiasco."

"we aint even talking about that shit Marcus. we're talking in comparison. sure Wayne said that, but at the same time he ain't trying to be that nigga either. if you go back and listen to ole skoo Jay he was on the same hype about 'cooking that shit up' and 'the hood' but he aint talking about it anymore! he over here calling himself God, talking about his money and Oprah and Obama. people change and adapt, its how you keep it flowing. but point blank all I'm saying is you fools are saying that Jay is going to step up and just be out there but the question is, why couldn't he have did that when Wayne wasn't in jail? Wayne sure as hell didn't go anywhere when Jay came with The Blueprint III. he went toe to toe with his 'favorite rapper. if he cant stand competition then he should've stayed in retirement."

Idk what ya'll think? This was just my argument with these busters ! *cheeeeeese !*


ANOTHER post coming later ... lol


Friday, March 12

A Emotional Fight .

This chick named Misery can throw a bangin ass party,
she don’t need flyers, posters, or even a venue to get it started.
All she needs to do, is convince one soul,
then they’ll try and bring their whole family both young and old.
Friends, coworkers even people in the street,
then everyone will bring everyone that everyone meets.
The drinks get to flowing the bar be popping,
the dance floor be packed, and aint nobody stopping.
The DJ in the booth bumpin the latest hits,
ladies on the dance floor screamin, “That’s my shit!”
The party is goin on and don’t stop til the mornin,
while they yawnin still on the floor determined to bring the dawn in.
Every is dude is live and every girl is hot,
everybody got swag up in Misery’s spot.

Now, here come that bitch Karma, ready to tear shit up,
rolls up in the spot smackin niggas cups.
Pullin on girls’ hair shovin dudes into walls,
uppercut to the bouncer, after swift kick to the balls.
Got folks runnin, fleeing, duckin, dodging, leavin cryin,
but many stick around, and watch as Misery steps in.
She jumps up angry “Hoe, you messing with my money,
coming in here startin shit messin with my company!

But Karma is determined, cause these to are her people,
and she’s ready to throw down against Misery’s evil.
Like the slick sly snake that she’s always been,
throws her drink in Karma’s face kick to the shin.
Drunks around cheering as the host has her way,
a quick hook to the chin, and on the floor Karma lay.

Misery beats her chest, as she celebrates victory,
while Karma taste her blood thinking, look what this bitch did to me.
She rises up to her feet with a stumbling stance,
mouth dripping red, but still ready to dance.
Misery rendered Karma weak, noticing sorrow and pain,
and it’s at that point she’s at the top of her game.
She goes for the throat reaches in from afar,
pretty soon it will be Karma sittin at the bar.
Drinking with the girls Jealousy and Hate,
Envy is there too yelling “Manip, you late!
Vindictive was in the bathroom, as he’s a true playa,
knowing just when to move just what to say to ya.
Conniving is at the door collecting all the money,
Fake and Phony are the twins, Spite think everything’s funny.
The door opens up, and in walks Pride,
usually on the fence, but taking Misery’s side.
Kharma is outmatched the odds are not in her favor,
but in walks Guilt and Shame who’ve come in to save her.
Misery smiles and grins at the challenge she faces,
yanks her earring, greases up tightens her laces.
Her cohorts walk up, and stand ready in position,
Laughing hysterically about the ease of their mission.

Karma emerges to the middle of the floor,
but then there’s a faint knock knock on the door.
They decided to not answer, then the bell was buzzed,
so Nosey and Gossip, needing to know who it was.
Opened up the door to a blinding light,
it was Love and his homies ready to fight.
Faith, Happiness, and Joy came through,
Peace and Hope gone make it do what it do.
Patience was in there, with her virtuous ways,
Optimism, Belief and Support comes and stays.
Care and Polite steps up in a hustle,
while Respect and Understanding, is ready to tussle.

Misery looks on, and in her arrogance says,
You really think these softies will set me straight in my ways?
I love to party get drunk get high and such,
so do you really think these fools is gone bother me much?

I got the greatest help that money can buy,
so let’s have it Stop Me Let’s see you try!

At just that moment, when Misery was ready to brawl,
in walked Prayer, and put a hush to it all.
Prayer brought someone who Misery didn’t suspect,
but it was God, who brought Blessings, and Prosperity next.
Misery said, “That’s It” and threw her hands in the air,
Party’s over go home this chick ain’t playing fair."
She packs up her things and leaves in a huff,
didn’t suspect they’d go there guess they called her bluff.
All the others left cowering in fear,
and Karma, a little bruised pulls up a chair.
Knowing she will not stop until Misery is dead,
but the fight will go on only in someone else’s head.


Thursday, March 11

To The Point .

Please forgive some of us. Be patient. A lot of us who claim they want a Man have a altered reality of what a Real Man is. and Woman please forgive the Men. they were trained to fuck us and not be a friend.


Tuesday, March 9

Catch Me If You Can .

i have walls around my heart. they are wide, high, and strong. and i refuse to let anyone break them down. at just the slightest crack in there structure i instantly patch it and take extra precautions to protect what has yet healed and concealed behind them. call me selfish, wrong, and plain scary but i refuse to risk the chance of being hurt again...

but why do i find myself contemplating giving him the chance to?

two years of ignoring him, two years of him chasing me. two years of laughter filled conversations, two years of no second thoughts. two years of always being there, two years of never staying away.

*lays back, closes eyes, and thinks about everything that has happened over the last two days. smiles reminiscing but just as quickly, comes to her senses*

i can check my phone sixty million times a day if i want!... i pay the bill.
i can think the thoughts i want!... its my brain.
i can listen to a song and think about whoever i want!... i know more than one person...
i can smile for any amount of reasons!... even if its only one...

*smiles liking the thoughts when little sister enters room.. "Gwen... can i sleep with you tonight... Emani just told me Jason was at the movies tonight kissing some girl *starts to cry* and i don't want to be alone..." *

*holds her close and cries with her.* not just because she's hurting but because i know what its like to really love someone. and faster than the speed of light, your heart starts to race and every emotion pumps through your body at once and the tears start to fall... while the world that once was perfect... slowly shatters and your heart breaks.

I think I'll stay anti-love. Really, who needs it? Butterflies in the tummy, heart skipping beats...that can't be safe.


Monday, March 1

The Menstural Cycle .

although a lovely reminder of femininity to many woman every month, it has came at the worst time for a irregular cycled young Gwen.

*sighs and recounts the days events*

I'm doing great with working out six days a week and eating right. going hard, sweating it out, and feeling more motivated than the day before everyday i approach the gym doors. that was until Mother Nature twirled her strawberry blonde hair around her finger and kicked up her Manolo Blahniks to review her list of favorable candidates she doesn't get the chance to fuck with often !

*imagines herself shredding the list, taking Mother Natures shoes, and grabbing a handful of whatever sweet candies that are in her candy dish on her desk and walking out with a smile and a bouncy head of curls.*

three days ago i was perfectly fine. although very much alive and feeling the slight cramps, Gwen was on top of it with a heating pad and brisk walking and stretching to endure.

then today came...

*Psycho movie theme music*

weather it was me staying up till 5 am to finish watching GI Jane on TV, which by the way cut out alot of good parts and dialogue, or this lovely gift God has bestowed upon my life, i didn't want to wake up or get out of bed today. after breakfast i figured i had to at least attempt my normal regime since while i was up last night i ate a bowl of Pops. convincing myself my stomach was growling and it wasn't just the insanity i was inflicting upon myself because the sugar coated corn pops was seducing my psych. i did two 3/5 intervals, 3 minutes running, 5 minutes walking, that took me to my sisters house. where while there i put down a mini snickers and had a Weight Watchers popsicle instead.

*sits up straight and smiles to herself. seemingly proud.*

too bad it was cold and looked like it was going to rain when i decided to leave which totally put a dampen on my somewhat motivated spirits to jog back home, so i walked. until i saw my hate to be attracted to him curly-haired-green-eyed-mixed-race 'associate' that works at Kragens. a little bit of talking, avoidance of eye contact on both parts, and a unofficial promise to write him on MySpace i was yet again motivated to jog at least another 4 1/2 minutes back with a slight smile on my face. JERK !

*Gwen hugs knees to chest and frowns but slowly frown fades and a slight smile appears.*

anyway, getting back home and doing six crunches for good measure i gave it up and hit the showers. started a new book, Dice by T.N. Baker, and cooked dinner. baked fish, veggies, and brown rice. i figured this was alright considering i had only had one meal today, breakfast. multiple episodes of my favorite show, Sex and The City, and i was once again feeling as though Carrie was speaking my hearts feelings and minds unwritten words. but go figure! Miranda fresh from having a baby, was eating everything delicious in sight and thoroughly enjoying it when there it was. Temptation. on my flat screen in HD. rearing its chocolate glazed head in my face.

i closed my eyes, took a moment and a deep breath, and got up. switching my leaner, more toned, and tighter hips and thighs to the kitchen where i took in my hand a Martha Stuart black handled tablespoon. opened the refrigerator slowly and looked way in the back where my forbidden bliss lay. opened the container and scooped out all life's answers and sat on the counter savoring the cold, sweet yet smooth taste of chocolate frosting.

*closes eyes tight and smiles remembering the slow paced rendezvous*

two more days to go... -_-

*sighs and falls back on bed*


You Deserve A Oscar .

i figure it has to be act.

it cannot be possible to have a body that holds a heart with no soul and a brain with no conscious. although, time and time again weather its my own personal experiences or others it has been proven that these douche lords are 24/7 devoted to their craft; negatively changing lives. i cant count on my fingers how many times i have heard someone say that He uttered the meaningless words, i never meant to hurt you. of course AFTER he was out dancing up on Mariah, kissing up on Christina, or banging Shannon. I'm starting to realize that we have been living blind lives ladies. we have, as women have evolved, discredited these males and gave no second thoughts to them and their games because we seemingly had it all figured out: play hard to get, seem uninterested, and hold tight to our well thought out standards. BUT after time and time again coming toe to toe with these creatures and their webs of unplanned, uncertain smooth ways those things prove unreliable in comparison. we lose our minds, lives, and purpose. too wrapped up in his happiness, dreams, and growth. later looking back on all you could have accomplished, all hes inheriting, and what the next will appreciate. they're naturally unrelentless beings who before they could walk knew how to manipulate their mothers and make their fathers proud...

Rihanna said it best, Take a bow .