Tuesday, March 9

Catch Me If You Can .

i have walls around my heart. they are wide, high, and strong. and i refuse to let anyone break them down. at just the slightest crack in there structure i instantly patch it and take extra precautions to protect what has yet healed and concealed behind them. call me selfish, wrong, and plain scary but i refuse to risk the chance of being hurt again...

but why do i find myself contemplating giving him the chance to?

two years of ignoring him, two years of him chasing me. two years of laughter filled conversations, two years of no second thoughts. two years of always being there, two years of never staying away.

*lays back, closes eyes, and thinks about everything that has happened over the last two days. smiles reminiscing but just as quickly, comes to her senses*

i can check my phone sixty million times a day if i want!... i pay the bill.
i can think the thoughts i want!... its my brain.
i can listen to a song and think about whoever i want!... i know more than one person...
i can smile for any amount of reasons!... even if its only one...

*smiles liking the thoughts when little sister enters room.. "Gwen... can i sleep with you tonight... Emani just told me Jason was at the movies tonight kissing some girl *starts to cry* and i don't want to be alone..." *

*holds her close and cries with her.* not just because she's hurting but because i know what its like to really love someone. and faster than the speed of light, your heart starts to race and every emotion pumps through your body at once and the tears start to fall... while the world that once was perfect... slowly shatters and your heart breaks.

I think I'll stay anti-love. Really, who needs it? Butterflies in the tummy, heart skipping beats...that can't be safe.



JStar said...

Girl you have been pushing him away, what do you expect him to do???? This is the time for you to go and get YOUR man girl...Yall got two years of foundation...The heck with ole girl :)I did that with my first love for 19 YEARS...Until I gave in :) He is still a work in progress, but its fun :)

Shay said...

I honestly feel at times we are of one mind Lol . I am soo apprehensive when it comes to Love . My heart can do without the pain of being hurt .

RavynRae said...

Mann it's a cold world. The reason I do the iish I do. I know the feeling. Too bad someone has to pay for my ex wrong doings...I just REFUSE to be hurt again.